Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: Jesus loves you!
Stranger: and im thankful for that
You: :')
Stranger: haha
Stranger: what you up to
You: Spreading the word of Jesus!
You: You?
Stranger: bored
Stranger: mind if i join u
You: Only if you promise not to have sex before marriage.
You: An abstain from masturbation.
Stranger: well first is ok
Stranger: second is kinda hard
Stranger: i try
Stranger: but damn...
You: masturbation is a tool of the Devil
Stranger: hehe tool
You: And the Devil likes hung dicks in a man's hand.
Stranger: oh really
You: Do not laugh!
Stranger: ok well you tell me
Stranger: what tips do you offer
Stranger: to abstain from masturbation
You: Think of Roseanne Arnold naked.
You: Whenever you get the urge.
Stranger: oh god i think my dick fell off
You: That is not, uh, something I think you should share with me.
You: You see, I'm an ex-gay.
Stranger: oh
You: And I am abstaining from my past homosexual lifestyle.
Stranger: so as an ex gay, you would pick up my dick that just fell off and run off with it?
Stranger: you got other issues than being jus gay then
You: That's not funny!
You: And no, I would not.
Stranger: oh ok
Stranger: give me some more practical tips
Stranger: lets say i have the urge to look at porn
Stranger: which leads to jacking off
You: Find a hobby!
You: Play video games or knit.
You: I like to crochet when the urge arises.
You: Or play basketball with my crippled sister.
You: Those are just samples.
Stranger: yaeh
Stranger: thats true
Stranger: i could do that
Stranger: video games
Stranger: arent a bad idea
You: I find playing basketball with crippled people is a great idea.
You: Let them win a little and they feel like winners.
You: Same with the children with retardations.
Stranger: right
Stranger: do you really play bbal with special ppl
You: Yes, I do.
You: I volunteer to do so every Saturday evening at the local church rec center.
You: A different ex-gay used to do it, but then they caught him performing fellatio on one of the cripples in the locker room.
You: Plus he used to bounce the balls off the heads of little kids
Stranger: thats really good
Stranger: i am proud of you
Stranger: keep up the good work
You: Being an ex-gay is hard.
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: i bet
Stranger: how do you get by
You: I didn't want to be an ex-gay at first, but with the power of Christ I am rejuvenated and Hallelujah I am found again!
You: I get by okay.
You: I avoid looking at other boys..."that" way.
You: And I avoid dealing with other boys who try to tempt me.
Stranger: right right
You: I even have a girlfriend! Her name is Esmerelda. Her family moved here from Mexico when she was a baby. She's an ex-gay too.
Stranger: wow
Stranger: thats kinda messed
You: Howso? We're both happy. Happier with Christ in our lives!
Stranger: well i mean
Stranger: u both basically have repressed feeligs
Stranger: for the other gender
You: We overcame those feelings!
You: And anyone can too, with the power of Christ!
Stranger: thats good
Stranger: keep it up
Stranger: but do you feel weird when you have sex with your wife
Stranger: do you think of guys
You: I do not have sex with her! We're just dating. And..no...I don't.
Stranger: oh i c
Stranger: i thought you were married
Stranger: my bad
Stranger: would you marry her
You: Of course! I love my Esmerelda Rosalita Vazquez!
You: That's not her real last name, but she wishes it was. She said it'd be funnier if she was more stereotypically Mexican.
Stranger: haha
Stranger: are you spanish
Stranger: or white
You: I'm white.
Stranger: i c
You: Sometimes, when I'm asleep, I do have dreams about other guys, but the ex-gay psych said it was normal and I should ignore it.
You: But I have to punish myself somehow when I do.
You: So I eat unhealthy food when I do.
Stranger: how do you punish urself
You: I eat greasy burgers
You: Esmerelda used to cut herself. I made her stop. Now she eats unhealthy food with me.
Stranger: why would she cut herself
You: Because she thought if she did, she'd stop thinking about girls.
Stranger: oh
Stranger: thats not cool
You: It wasn't.
You: Our ex-gay friend Ronnie gave up and eloped with some gay from San Francisco. I felt envious at first, but then I felt mad. He gave up on Jesus.
You: And...and...you just don't do that!
Stranger: one sec
Stranger: why dont u bring him back
Stranger: go on a mission
Stranger: with ur gf
Stranger: transform him back
You: It doesn't work that way. He won't come back. We tried to talk him into going back.
You: And if we were to go, we'd be too tempted.
You: And we can't turn our back on Jesus!
Stranger: how did you become an ex gay
Stranger: i mean what process did you go thryu
Stranger: to leave the gay behind
You: I'm not allowed to say.
You: Other than the power of prayer, the Bible, and Jesus Christ.
Stranger: i c
You: Plus I don't remember a lot of it for some reason.
You: But that's okay!
You: Three months of my life that I can do a little more without.
Stranger: wow
Stranger: thats kinda cool
Stranger: but isnt being gay something ur born with
Stranger: its not a choice
You: NO! It is a choice! The Liberal media wants people to believe you're born with it!
Stranger: why not
Stranger: what if you want to be gay
Stranger: and why is being gay so wrong in the eyes of jesus
You: Because Jesus wants us to have wholesome, clean spirits and being gay is against God's wishes. It's in the Old Testament AND the New Testament.
Stranger: why
Stranger: whats so anti god abt being gay
You: It doesn't lead to procreation and...and it leads to a lifestyle that ends in unhappiness and suicide.
Stranger: procreation i understand
Stranger: but how can u make other claims
Stranger: what if 2 gay ppl love each other
Stranger: wont they be happy
You: It's wrong! They won't be happy. You know the average gay has over 200 partners in their lifetime?
You: A man will be happier with a woman!
You: It's in the Bible.
You: Letters to the Corinthians!
Stranger: i dont know
Stranger: what abt this
Stranger: allow gay ppl to marry
Stranger: but keep em out of the church
Stranger: so its a civil union
You: Still wrong.
You: Man and a woman. Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve or Monique and Rhonda!
Stranger: why is it wrong
Stranger: its not doing the religion any harm anymore
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