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Feel free to skip down to "The Jerk," but I included all three types of men for completeness.
The Beta Male (or the Nice Guy)
When I was growing up, my mom, aunts, and other older ladies always told me that to get a girlfriend, I would need to be a nice guy. I’d need to constantly buy a girl flowers, give her gifts, and take her out to eat. “Wow,” I thought, “I’ll need to have a really great job so I can have all that money to spend!” And unfortunately, I internalized their advice. All through high school and college, I tried to be the nice guy, the one girls supposedly wanted. Girls would always say how much they appreciated what I did, but the most action I ever got was a kiss on a cheek. Then in college and beyond, the advice changed. All of a sudden it was common knowledge that to be successful with women, you needed to act like an asshole rather than a nice guy. I tried that advice out and found that when I acted like a jerk, some women responded to me more. However, I still didn’t get the success that I wanted. Though I did get to have my first sexual relationship, it was with a low self esteem head case. And I still had problems with so many girls preferring other guys to me. So I took a good, hard look at the guys who were successful with women, the ones who weren’t, and the ones in between, and I figured out that there are really three classes of men. And there’s definitely a pecking order as far as the women are concerned. At the bottom of the list are the nice guys, who make up the majority of the male population. The nice guy is a man who basically pleads for sex. He shows up at a woman’s doorstep with flowers, drives her to a fancy restaurant and buys her filet mignon with fine wine. Then, after he takes her home, he gets blue balls because she doesn’t even invite him in. And the hell of it is, he doesn’t learn from this—he’s back using the same tactics on the very next woman.
And you want to know what’s really ironic here? Believe it or not, women consider nice guys to be manipulative. It’s quite obvious to the woman why the nice guy buys her so many things. “They’re only after one thing!” is a common mantra that women repeat about nice guys. However, she thinks he might possibly have good relationship potential, so she may keep him on the backburner and eventually have sex with him. And boy does she make him wait a long time! Some women set three dates as the minimum, which is like winning the lottery for the nice guy, since many other women make guys wait months until they “get lucky.” And when sex does come, it’s a huge event and the woman makes a big deal about it. Hopefully the man doesn’t have a high sex drive, because he won’t be able to get sex whenever he wants. He’s going to have to accept it on her terms when she happens to be in the mood. So why don’t nice guys succeed? The problem with the nice guy is that not only do women consider him manipulative, they also see him as boring. The nice guy talks about logical things like foreign policy or how a car engine operates. Sometimes he brags about himself and how much money he makes, implying that he can buy things for the woman. “How lame,” she thinks. Engaging in logical conversation and trying to impress a woman with your smarts and earning potential is a mistake that 99% of guys make. It kills a woman's attraction for you because it communicates neediness and low value. If you weren't seeking her approval, you wouldn't be trying to impress her. If you instead were a man of high value (an alpha male), then she would be the one seeking your approval. The other problem of course is that women who are engaged in the mating ritual with a guy absolutely loathe logical conversation. It snaps her out of her trance. So refrain from talking about that article on Chinese trade policies you read in The Economist until you're hanging out with your male buddies. Don't misunderstand me, though. You should not pretend to be some kind of idiot around girls. In fact, women find it attractive when a guy is an expert in something. What you do, however, is make sure to talk about interesting things within your area of expertise, not mind-numbing things. In fact, something you should begin immediately, if you haven't done this already, is to become an expert in something. It doesn't matter what... real estate, rock music, South Park trivia, religion, history, etc.
A man who's an expert is automatically an alpha male in that area. Just make sure to captivate her with the knowledge you share. Don't bore her. (When sharing facts, ask yourself, "Would this information be on 'Ripley's Believe It Or Not' or would it be something a dull college professor would say?) Girls just wanna have fun, as the song goes, and the nice, boring guy ain't fun. Go to places where singles congregate and you can perform an interesting people watching exercise by checking out the couples that you see. If the girl looks bored or is constantly chatting on her cell phone, then she’s with her boyfriend. That’s because her boyfriend is a nice guy who isn’t playful with her and doesn’t excite her. If, on the other hand, she’s laughing and looks like she’s having a good time, then what you’re seeing is most likely a pick-up attempt by an alpha male. Notice, too, that the alpha male picking up a woman has an easy rapport with her. The two of them talk as if they’ve known each other for a long time. The problem with being the nice guy is the mindset that it springs from. A man supplicating to a woman is doing it out of insecurity and desperation for her approval and sexual attention. Want to lay hot chicks? Then keep this first and foremost in mind: The quickest and easiest way to kill any attraction a woman may be starting to feel for you is to feel insecure about yourself, or to be needy, or to seek approval. When you have the mindset of being desperate to please, you end up coming on too strong, too early. You become clingy. It’s like you’re begging. There’s an old saying about banks: they only want to loan you money when you’re loaded already. If you genuinely need the money, then you can forget it. [There is more to this but it's getting to be tl;dr.]
The Jerk (or the Asshole)
On a middle level, above the nice guy, is the asshole, or jerk. For the most part, assholes appeal to women more than nice guys because assholes aren’t boring. Though the asshole creates an emotional roller coaster of drama with his girlfriend, at least the girl is getting the emotional high points of the ride along with those low points. In other words, he may make her cry, but he also makes her giggle. And the uncertainty of which it’s going to be does create some excitement in her life. Here’s what you need to get about women: in order to be sexually turned on, women need to tune into their emotions instead of their logic. The nice guy makes the fatal mistake of appealing to their logic, whereas the one good thing the jerk does do is to appeal to a woman’s emotions. Jerks get laid because they get women turned on by being so persistent and then going for the lay. They are sexually aggressive, unlike the nice guys who are sexually passive. While the jerk creates negative emotions within women, at least they are still creating emotions, as opposed to the nice guy who bores women. However, it’s not all good for the jerks. The types of women who go for jerks are mainly head-cases who have low self-esteem, depression and other emotional issues. Such women often act weird and insecure when it comes to relationships, so they’re really not the kind of women a well-adjusted man would want to go for in any case. Though jerks get laid, I’m not suggesting that you be a jerk. The good news is that there is a higher level of men yet, whom I call the alpha males, who induce positive emotions within women with no real negatives.
The Alpha Male
In society, alpha males are the leaders; people look up to them. The alpha male is confident, socially powerful, outgoing, fun, a leader, secure in himself, has high self-esteem, and is a guy who has his shit together. He’s able to joke around with women and be playful. When a woman says something sarcastic, the beta male gets offended, while the alpha male laughs about it because he knows girls are like his silly little sisters. And when a woman later regrets her sarcasm, and learns it was really no big deal to the alpha male, she gives him big points for that. Many social interactions that we engage in have sub-currents of dominance and submission. Studies of social situations have shown that dominant people will mark their territory in various nonverbal ways, such as taking up space with their bodies, using a louder voice, controlling conversations, and using strong eye contact. People around the alpha male tend to get sucked into his reality because he’s interesting and makes them feel comfortable. The alpha male doesn’t feel possessive or jealous over woman because he isn’t needy. He also doesn’t smother women by putting them up on a pedestal. Because of this, he knows that any woman would be lucky to have him, so if any one particular woman doesn’t go for him, then that’s her loss, not his. In contrast, the beta male is nervous, has low social status, is typically a follower rather than a leader, usually feels secretly resentful of successful guys, has low self-esteem, and is clingy and desperate with women. True confession: I used to be beta. I was depressed and resentful. I wanted a girlfriend because I thought having one would make my life worth living. Once I got a girl and was able to have as much sex as I wanted, I thought, my life would become wonderful. It wasn’t until later that I learned that I had this exactly backwards. It wasn’t until I developed myself from within and had a life worth living that I starting attracting the awesome girlfriends who I’ve had over the years and the wonderful woman who I'm currently in a relationship with.
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