Hilarious quotes

http://www.bash.org/?top

LOL. Some of these are drop-dead hilarious!

Example:

t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right

You'll probably read this at the site, but I just wanted to make sure you do:

<DeadMansHand> haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
<DeadMansHand> we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
<DeadMansHand> took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
<DeadMansHand> i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
<DeadMansHand> What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
<Thirteen-> uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
<DeadMansHand> holy fuck.
<DeadMansHand> i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
<DeadMansHand> im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
<DeadMansHand> if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
<Thirteen-> will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
<Tyran> wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day
<Thirteen-> haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
<PeteRepeat> fucking ken
<PeteRepeat> ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
<quiqsilver> pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
<PeteRepeat> oh fuck.
<PeteRepeat> if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
<Thirteen-> rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
<Tyran> i can't beleive how perfect their timing was

One of my favorites from the movie, "Life of Brian":

Mandy: What star sign is he?
Wise Man #2: Capricorn.
Mandy: Capricorn, eh? What are they like?
Wise Man #2: He is the son of God, our Messiah.
Wise Man #1: King of the Jews.
Mandy: And that's Capricorn, is it?
Wise Man #3: No, no, that's just him.
Mandy: Oh, I was going to say, otherwise there'd be a lot of them.

Zelaron: I STAND READY, LETTUCE ATTACK!//(¤¤(/%)%)&)
Khydadriamen: wtfff
Khydadriamen: XD
Zelaron: don't ask
Khydadriamen: i wont
Khydadriamen: i lied
Khydadriamen: yes i will
Khydadriamen: WHAT THE HELL
Zelaron: XD
Zelaron: you'll just have to live in obliviousness while I dispose this toothpaste
Khydadriamen: bastard
Khydadriamen: ):0



Khydadriamen: I WILL MUSSITATE YOU
Zelaron: THEN I WILL MAFFLE YOU, LOWLIFE SCUMBAG OF UTTER NOTHINGNESS!
Khydadriamen: GANK ME YOU KNAGER
Khydadriamen: ... regank lol


Khydadriamen: 3 - squirrels appear around the caster
Zelaron: wah
Khydadriamen: XD
Zelaron: ROFL

What the fuck.. http://www.angelfire.com/pokemon2/cheatlist/
Go to the logs

Sweet Find!

<ohm> damn
<ohm> FUCK
<ohm> DAMN
<ohm> i was just in an AIM convo with a chick, and my grandmother's window pops up
<ohm> FUCK
<ohm> i go like this to her
<ohm> "i want to suck on your clit"
<ohm> FUCK

<AgentSmith> It seems you have been leading two lives, Mr. Anderson. In one life, you are Robert Anderson, assistant cook at a Jack in the Box in Mesquite....in the other...you go by the chat alias "Randerson"...spreading homosexual propoganda, lying, and being a generally immature pest...
<AgentSmith> One of these...has a future.
<Randerson> LMAO OMFG where's the phone, I have to tell Dean about this
<AgentSmith> How can you use the phone when you cannot...speak?
*** AgentSmith sets mode: +m


EDIT:

Just finished reading the whole thing. Some great stuff.

<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you shit on the floor, and you can hear it fall but you have no idea where it actually landed, and spend like 5 minutes looking for it
<peng> ...
<peng> what?
<VolteFace`> oh shit
<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you DROP shit

<Galactic> you know what's ALWAYS bothered me? cold cereal mascots
<Galactic> I mean that is just some FUCKED UP SHIT
<Galactic> the Trix rabbit, for example
<Galactic> I dunno man... if I were him I'd be fucking KILLING some kids
<Galactic> I remember a commercial where the fuckin rabbit WENT INTO A FUCKIN STORE AND BOUGHT A BOX OF TRIX WITH HIS OWN FUCKIN MONEY.
<Galactic> fuckin kids came outta NOWHERE and basically fuckin mug the poor stupid bitch rabbit
<Galactic> "silly rabbit Trix are for kids"
<Galactic> Fuckin rabbit just sits there and looks depressed.
<Galactic> FUCK NO that wouldn't fly with me
<Galactic> I'd have pimp-slapped EVERY ONE OF those fuckin bitches
<Galactic> and made them go get me the REST of a "complete breakfast" and eat Trix right in front of them bitches and THEN beat the shit out of them some more.
<Galactic> and wtf is with the disguises? All the dumb rabbit does is hide his ears and all of a sudden he's a fuckin kid?
<Galactic> I dunno about you, but if I SAW a 6 foot fuckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap, I wouldn't immediately think
<Galactic> "Hey, there's a cool lookin human kid, let me go over and share some of my cereal with him"
<Galactic> NO.
<Galactic> I'd be thinking
<Galactic> "that's a 6 foot fuckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap... what the FUCK was I just smoking?"
<Galactic> another thing... wtf is up with cereal being "A part of this complete breakfast"
<Galactic> last time -I- checked, cereal WAS breakfast
<Galactic> they show a big ass bowl of frosted flakes next to a waffle, a pancake, toast, a banana, a fuckin grapefruit... who the FUCK eats a breakfast that big
<Flaming_Duck> not me
<Flaming Duck> I don't even EAT breakfast nomore
<Flaming_Duck> I mean, I eat when I get up
<Flaming_Duck> but the whole thought "BREAKFAST IS ONLY SERVED UNTIL SUCH AND SUCH TIME"
<FLaming_Suck> bitch, you make my fucking sausage and egg sandwich when I pay you the fucking money
<Flaming_Duck> don't give me that shit.
<Galactic> Back to stupid cereal mascots...
<Galactic> Lucky Charms.
<Galactic> FUCKING LUCKY CHARMS
<Galactic> Lucky can turn the fucking MOON into a marshmallow, and he can't escape a bunch of fucking 6 year olds?!?!?
<Galactic> C'mon now, Lucky.
<Galactic> I KNOW your bitch ass has got to have a "Blow the fucking kids up" spell SOMEWHERE
<Galactic> or make "kid marshamllows" and EAT those bitches.
<Galactic> "They're after me Lucky Charms!"
<Galactic> ....
<Galactic> KILL THEM, BITCH!
<Galactic> I dunno why I went off on this rant here
<Galactic> it's just always bothered me."

serluny: how long did it took u to learn c?
ReDPriest:4.5 minutes
serluny:how did u do that?
ReDPriest:i downloaded it into my brain..i got a program to do
that
serluny:what program
ReDPriestownload shit into your brain v3.1
serluny:how do i download it?
ReDPriest: go to www.downloadable-shit-for-your-brain.com
serluny:i cant download it something is wrong

-[Conroy_Bumpus]- OH FUCK ME
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- I FORGOT TO PICK UP MY 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER FROM SOCCER PRACTICE
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- 9 HOURS AGO
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- HOLY SHIT
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- BYE

<glacial> I love school
<glacial> Today our term paper due date's set
<glacial> Our instructor says that we WILL hand in the paper on time, and she'll accept no excuses except illness, with a note from our doctor, or a death in the immediate family, with a note from the dead member.
<glacial> So this wiseass pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
<glacial> She waits for the laughs to die down and says:
<glacial> "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand"

Read it. Good stuff.

You've just got to love bash.org

Dear god, this one is hillarious...

<BigBurk> God i really cant stand windows me
<Felacio> heh i know. i moved to win2k
* Felacio sucks huge cock
<Felacio> errr ME, not /me

<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.



<ckx> women ask for it
<ckx> they act all old and mature
<ckx> and then you stick your cock up their ass
<ckx> and they get all bitchy
<ckx> "I"M ONLY 13, I'M ONLY 13!!!"



<Kazz> Do vampires have anuses? Cause that's why I wouldn't let this kid invade a vampire's anus in this RPG, right, I was GMing, and his character was an Anus Shade, with the power to possess and control the anuses of people and animals.. and I figured that vampires don't have anuses.
<Zaratustra> a vampire's anus is present, but non-working.
<Zaratustra> like a network card without the appropriate driver.
<Kazz> Wow. You're the biggest dork on Earth.
<Sharkey> And you're DMing an rpg with Anus Shades.

More:

<tom_0369> man
<tom_0369> im never moving to seatle washington
<tom_0369> i flew over it and it was raining and gray as fuck
<tom_0369> it was depressing
<sammich> when was this?
<tom_0369> flight simluator 2004

<Dr_DOS> Tupac Shakur sounds like a Protoss name.


< tcowher> personally I'm annoyed that they can get 11KBps from mars but can't get me a stable 5KBps over 17 miles.

<O.J.> Radio interview quote from Marine Corps General Reinwald and a female radio host. He wants to host some boy scouts at the training center for some practise excercises. As follows
<FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
<GENERAL REINWALD>: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
<FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
<GENERAL REINWALD>: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
<FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
<GENERAL REINWALD>: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
<FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
<GENERAL REINWALD>: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended. You gotta love the Marines!

<pihlopase> Jesus Saves
<jbroome> pases to moses, SCOOOOORE

[ron`] Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll fuck you with a rake

<Ephialtes> ugh
<Ephialtes> I.
<Ephialtes> Am.
<Ephialtes> Wet.
<Ephialtes> infact I am BEYOND wet
<Ephialtes> I am soaked
<Ephialtes> no wait, I am beyond soaked
<Ephialtes> I am drenched
<Ephialtes> and I may be beyond that
*** Ephialtes has been kicked off channel #ev3 by zambezi (flood)

<ruffkin2> HAHAHAH dat dude you sent me 127.0.0.1 iz enfected wit sub7 im fuckin with him now
<andrw> oh good, format his computer
<Testicular_One> format his computer
<TheGreaterZero> format him

Seijurro1234: IM NOT ON AOL .. IM ON AMERICA ONLINE
Seijurro1234: RETARD

<tangent3> george bush wants to send missions to moons and the mars
<tangent3> i think the search for weapons of mass destruction is getting desperate

LOL! I love those.

Khydadriamen: you want a cool song? lol
*** Khydadriamen is trying to send you "Yoko Kanno - COWBOY BEBOP Remixes - 01 - Radio Free Mars Talk 1.mp3".
Zelaron: gah
Khydadriamen: well want it? XD
Zelaron: I accepted it, you evil you
Khydadriamen: oh :B
*** Khydadriamen is trying to send you "Yoko Kanno - COWBOY BEBOP Remixes - 01 - Radio Free Mars Talk 1.mp3".
Zelaron: stupidest
Khydadriamen: smartedest
Zelaron: omgstfuest >_<
Khydadriamen: XDD
Khydadriamen: hmm
Zelaron: lol
Khydadriamen: hard to beat that one
Khydadriamen: XD
Khydadriamen: GANK ME


[01:33] Zelaron: excessively large photos suck
[01:34] Khydadriamen: not if you have a giant monitor
[01:34] Khydadriamen: like
[01:34] Khydadriamen: really giant
[01:34] Khydadriamen: as in
[01:34] Khydadriamen: BIG
[01:37] Zelaron: spooky
[01:37] Zelaron: anyway
[01:37] Zelaron: SLEEP!
[01:37] Khydadriamen: pooky!
[01:37] Khydadriamen: bye pooky
[01:37] Zelaron: bye dadlewoo
[01:38] Khydadriamen: lol
[01:38] Khydadriamen: that was porbably the wierdest thign we have said since first talking to each other

<Foberts> Dude, you're an op on IRC.
<Foberts> You're a geek.
<tnoy> not really, i just gave the channel owner nude photos of my sister
<Foberts> Wow.
<Foberts> Why do you have nude photos of your sister?

from our very own chatbox!!!!

11:14] HandOfHeaven: Atnas, what are you and coffee going to do?
[11:14] HandOfHeaven: I don't have friends...
[11:14] talentedhamster: aw =[
[11:14] Atnas: Work on a project for school
[11:14] HandOfHeaven: Oh
[11:15] HandOfHeaven: that's the only time I see people...
[11:15] Atnas: Actually it's a RPGMaker game haha

* Yeyinde gives ccoa a hug
* ccoa hugs Yeyinde back
<ccoa> Ouch. Armor.
<Yeyinde> Not wearing my armor
<ccoa> O.O;

<JakeyZombie> So..
<Elias> lol wb
<JakeyZombie> If a dog mounts a girl
<DJ_Jack>
<JakeyZombie> and pushes her to the ground, etcetc.
<DJ_Jack> No
<JakeyZombie> It's okay?
<Elias> yeah yeah
<JakeyZombie> No.
<Elias> no
<JakeyZombie> It's not.
<Elias> it fully isnt
<JakeyZombie> That's wrong.
<JakeyZombie> But I would like to see that.
<JakeyZombie> 'ah no dun im onli 12'
<Elias> .....................................
<JakeyZombie> 'ahhhh'
<JakeyZombie> 'ruff ruff ruff'
<Elias> LOL jake LOLL
<JakeyZombie> Some cool sound effects for you.
<Elias> 'dun im onli 12' oh my
<Dox> Man
<Yeyinde> 'yiff yiff yiff'*
<Dox> That would be hella funny
<Dox> I actually think I'd be unable to help because of laughter.

Both Trick and Twi are black:

[01:09] <Twilight> Tricks my cousin on the far side
[01:10] <Trickster> I would kill myself if I were related to you Twilight D:

[20:40] * Skie breaks a piece off Rye
[20:41] <Rye> i
[20:41] * Skie munches
[20:41] <Diedrupo> how's it taste, skie
[20:41] <Skie> Tastes like...
[20:43] <Skie> ...It tastes like the culmination of souls crying out under the night of the red sun as dracula rises from his grave to unleash the odyssey once more only to be stopped by the like of Richter Belmont who then goes on to become the lord of Creation and then judgment rains upon the earth


What else does Rye taste like?

<Skie> ...It tastes like the culmination of souls crying out under the night of the red moon and chaos and dracula rises from his gave once more only to be thwarted by the hands of Mr Sigma, who then proceeds to unleash the odyssey upon the earth which in turn causes it to implode and then explode taking the universe with it and ending all creation as we know it. Then the world will be restarted by...That Man...

[20:46] <Skie> ...It tastes like the culmination of dark souls risening from the shore of heaven where the god of creation resides to bring forth scarlet judgment in the form of Vlad Tepes who proceeds to unleash his chaos upon the world in the form of the odyssey

[01:03] <Ruler_Of_McDopples> It tastes like the culmination of shadowly souls encroaching upon the realm of mortal beings performing unholy rituals in the name of the black lord Regulus and his blade of dark chaos. He wipes out an ormy of mortal fools with a single swing of his sword and then uses the souls of the fools to bring back the Prince of Darkness: Dracula! Who then proceeds to unleash the Odyssey upon the earth only be thwarted by the likes of Rinno

[21:03] <Skie> ...it tastes like the culmination of chaotic matter converging onto the plane of the gods on the night of the dark sun, where all powerful beings wage epic war on one another in order to gain control of the mortal realm. The fighting all comes down to a single point where te god of creation, Velt unleashes a wave destruction, ending the lives of all opposing gods, and then he proceeds to descend upon the mortal realm were he cleanses the world.

[19:15] <Beowulf> Man
[19:16] <Beowulf> If I wished one thing
[19:16] <Beowulf> Is that someone makes a Simple, yet effective Tactical Battle System
[19:17] <Eilei> wow, really? If I wished for one thing, it would probably to be independently wealthy
[19:17] <Beowulf> I can do that
[19:18] <Beowulf> I just need to get off my ass
[19:18] <Eilei> you think it's easier to become independently wealthy than to make a simple, yet effective tactical system
[19:18] <Beowulf> yup

[19:23] <RavenTDA> it like gets bigger if I press harder

[19:11] Atnas: mmm
[19:11] Atnas: yummy
[19:12] Ryuk: what you eatins
[19:12] Ryuk: ?
[19:12] RavenTDA: I'm back :3
[19:12] Ryuk: Waven <3
[19:12] Atnas: I had meatload and greens and some kinda rice
[19:12] Mac: Raven! Atnas!
[19:12] Atnas: meatloaf*
[19:12] Mac: lol
[19:12] Atnas: XD meatload
[19:12] Atnas: that's so dirty
[19:12] Mac: Enough sexual slander lol
[19:12] *** RavenTDA is now known as MistressRaven.
[19:12] MistressRaven: XD
[19:13] Mac: lol
[19:14] Ryuk: ooooooo
[19:15] Ryuk: Mistress
[19:15] Ryuk:
[19:15] Atnas: naughty kinky black leather fishnet mistress*
[19:15] MistressRaven: dude
[19:16] Mac: lol
[19:16] MistressRaven: all I said was mistress
[19:16] MistressRaven: you pervs
[19:16] Atnas:
[19:16] MistressRaven: XD
[19:16] Ryuk: yeah Atnas
[19:16] Atnas: what what what
[19:16] Atnas: [19:15] Ryuk:
[19:16] Atnas: What was on your mind
[19:16] Ryuk: stop changing subject
[19:16] Atnas: mister wide eyed and bushytailed
[19:16] Ryuk: i'm allowed
[19:17] Ryuk: Atnas>naughty kinky black leather fishnet mistress*
[19:18] Atnas: So? Did I ever say it wasn't a naughty black little kinky haired child in leather boots holding a fishnet and being instructed by her mistress how to fish?

[21:27] Coriander: .... what ..... the ..... fuck ... kind ... off ... dildo ... is ... this ...
[21:27] Atnas: sho
[21:28] Coriander: I
[21:28] Coriander: will pm you the link
[21:29] System: Coriander sent you a PM "........"
[21:29] Atnas: oh god
[21:29] Atnas: probably for
[21:29] Atnas: masochists
[21:29] Atnas: how would that
[21:29] Atnas: be any fun
[21:30] Atnas: it's all pokey
[21:30] Atnas: like a tyrannitar cock
[21:30] Atnas:



kinda lame but decided it deserved prominent archiving.

Just my sig..... I love that quote.
"Only two things are infinite----the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not so sure about the universe."
-Albert Einstein

Bash.org makes me happy on the inside and the outside.

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