Song: The Reverend says (Damn Man)
 

(I absolutely hate the title >.<) Well, I got bored during lunch and started thinking of songs, and then I came up with this one. Enjoy:

Damn Man
Potter's sending you straight to hell
Aint' no redemption in reading those books
Just burn 'em all to hell

Damn Man
Queer Eye's gonna rape your soul
Gonna take your virgin ass
All they want is to send you to hell

Why, hell man
That's what my Reverend said
That these things gonna send me straight to hell
There just ain't no redemption anywhere

Why, hell man
My Reverend's a moral man
He's only got one wife
And half the congregation

Damn Man
Playboy's a lusty piece of shit
Makes me abandon wives
It's the work of Satan

Damn Man
Look at all those fuckin' Catholic men
My Reverend says they're goin' to hell
Just followers of Satan

Why, hell man
My Reverend's a moral man
Only stole $500 from old lady Anne
Yeah, such a moral and godly man

DAMN MAN
My Reverend's a piece of shit
Says dancing's a sin
But he banged a whore
Says Alcohol's a sin
But he loves the joint
Says the Death Sentence is immoral
But he encouraged his wife to abortion
Moral and godly my fuckin' ass

Damn Man
Damn Man
What a wonderful, nominal, self-righteous piece of shit
Condemning without a reason
Swimming in whores and joint
Crusading against evil as he pays the doctor
Damn Man
Damn Man

Fuck you!

No no no, Fuck YOU!

uhm...feedback, anyone?

Damn Man
Queer Eye's gonna rape your soul
Gonna take your virgin ass

can you explain this?
by they way kagom this song is preaty homo if you ask me.

Just like him. What a coinsidence.

That really doesn't need an explanation. It's just basically saying that the show is evil and going to send you to hell (according to the Reverend in the song)

And I'm happy with this song, that's good enough for me.

omg... if id rather sing the alphabet for the rest of my life than listening to that song o_O

Although I find it..oh how should I put this....different.

It has meaning to it that the previous posters(excluding Kagom) fail to see because they are focused on his choice of lifestyle, which end the end really means they are covering up there own choices.

It makes perfect sense if you have the right mind(not one of a moron or asshole). I find literature of all levels interesting, this song has no real rhyming order, but it tells a story of how people can say one thing, but really not mean it or perform tasks that are just as bad and than damn all others.

Keep up the A-OK work Kagom.

Thank you for a comment based on the actual song!

Jack, you need to re-work this one. In the first chunk of the story, you've got this genuinely interesting narrative that comes across as a southern good ole' boy ranting about the "evils" of the world and his devotion to his minister. However, two thirds of the way through the song, you suddenly go from southern yokel to nu-metal angst. Not a good transition.

You need to really think about the mindset of the person you're trying to emulate. If you've got this religious zealot who totally swallows all of the bullshit his pastor preaches to him, don't you think that even in spite of becoming aware of the priest's sins, he'd try blindly to defend those hypocrisies? If the person speaking in your piece is truly a "sheep in his shepherd's flock", would he honestly be that quick to change his tune and start attacking his leader for his shortcomings? No. He'd be the type of guy you'd see on TV, bellowing excuses for the pastor, and spewing weak justifications for his pastor's sins.

In my opinion, you need to completely re-write the last third of the song. Take out all of the "My reverend is a piece of shit" kinda stuff, but leave all of the stuff about abortions and whores in there. Just change the way that your character reacts to these things. Instead of having your character go "oh wow, my pastor is an asshole for doing these things" have him say "well, he's got every right to do these things! He's and honest, godfearing man and it's his god-damned prerogative as an American citizen, hyaw, hyaw!"

Having this character go from a blind sheep religious zealot to an angsty, anti-establishmentarian protestor makes no sense and it completely kills the really interesting narrative you set up with the beginning of the song. You're on the right track, but that last third of the piece totally kills your momentum.

hmmmm...thanks dude. I think I should change that. It would probably be better.