Couple nights back, my love for wrestling was rekindled and combined with sleep deprivation to make me spawn a Hulk Hogan vs. Anyone sort of deal. I had Bruce Lee, then Sephiroth and then was asked to make Hogan/Kefka. I've been posting it various places and have gotten a "LOL" response, a "WTF", several angry retorts on Kefka's behalf and a personal insult to my writing ability because the person reading it obviously was as tired and moody as I was. Anyway, here it is. Maybe I can pass out after this.
Jim Ross: Well, folks, this is truly the big one. Hulk Hogan, after defeating Sephiroth, was challenged by the notorious antagonist known as Kefka.
King: Yeah and I have a STRONG feeling were gonna see Hulkamania taken down once and for all tonight. I mean, this guy destroyed his planet and had his own cult. Hulk cant top that.
Jim Ross: The only way to know is to see it, King. And thats eactly what were about to do.
And there it is the sound of the anthem to Hulkamania: Real American. To its blaring sound and the even more powerful screams and chants of the crowd filling the arena, Hulk Hogan walked to the ring. He posed in the walkway, acknowledging the fans as he did so. The yellow-and-red clad figure entered the ring and tore his shirt off in a display of his vast strength. Standing over in the corner, the sound of the song and the crowd died down as a new song played Dancing Mad was this theme and it was the tune to one of the most evil beings Hulk and the crowd had ever seen.
It was the theme of Kefka who walked slowly down to the ring, a grin plastered across his clownish features. The overpowering boos and catcalls from the crowd attracted his attention. Looking to the side, he waved his hand and just like that, a beam of energy shot from nowhere and in that flash from the beam, the entire right side of the stands with the crowd was gone.
Jim Ross: Wait! You cant just vaporize the audience because they boo you!
King: What are YOU gonna go tell him he cant, J.R.? Triple H broke your arm sure but this guy would annihilate your body.
Jim Ross: That may be true King but I cant help but find it despicable when a person just casually ends the lives of hundreds of our WWE fans.
Kefka, laughing now in the silent as the grave atmosphere after his strike, strode to the ring and went through the ropes. Walking to his corner, he stood there, a maniacal grin now firmly across his face once more as insane eyes danced over the giant blond man in front of him. Hulk Hogan, in his corner, kept up a brave face, his jaw tight. But he felt some doubt down in the very core of his being. But he also felt a flame burning to avenge all those just killed by this...androgynous clown.
Then, amidst the silence of the arena, the loud echoing toll of the bell sounded out. Kefka, laughing again, raised both arms and immediately at his side were 3 statues. Hogan looked at them, frowning and then took a step towards Kefka. Kefka continued to laugh as a wall of energy met him, the wall being projected by the statues.
Jim Ross: What are those objects? This surely must b ea violation of the rules to use mystical artifacts to make yourself invulnerable.
King: You never said anything back when Undertaker had his Urn, J.R.. Dont be a hypocrite.
Hogan frowned and threw a punch. It bounced harmlessly off the energy barrier. The crowd was muttering. This was going very bad. First a stand-full of people wiped out and now their hero couldnt even touch the man responsible. This...very feminine-looking man. It was dispiriting to say the least and no one was even out of their seat.
Hogan raised an arm to call for the people, Hulkamanias, aid. With a mad giggle, Kefka sent out a shockwave that sent Hulk flying into the corner where he crumpled. Kefka, continuing to shriek with laughter, raised both hands above his head.
Jim Ross: I dont like the look of this, King. What is that twisted excuse for a human being doing?
King: Hes ending Hulkamania, J.R.. And I cant wait!
After a long moment, another, much larger beam came down and struck the stadium. In the flash of this light, panicked screams were extinguished. When the light faded, the entire place was nothing but a heap of rubble and corpses.
Jim Ross: This aint...right.
Jim Ross collapsed next to the dead form of Jerry The King Lawler and died as his cowboy hat slid off his lifeless head. Kefka, cackling in victory, looked around at the devastation with a gleeful and sadistic eye.
Kefka: Kefkamania is runnin wild!!!
But, a rustle was heard under his wild laughter and repeated chants of Kefkamania. It was the rustle of a particularly large chunk of debris from the arena. Then the approximately 520 pound piece of debris (trivia: 520 was how much Andre the Giant weighed when Hulk slammed him at WrestleMania 3) went flying. Kefka stared in bafflement at the figure before him. It was the form of Hulk Hogan. Though the bandanna was gone and the yellow-and-red attire was ripped, his body showed no signs of injury.
Hulk knelt there, his head held high and his arms shaking at his sides, fists clenched. Kefka, blinked and grinned.
Kefka: Whatcha gonna do second-cousin twice removed when Kefkamania sends the Light of Judgment at you?!?!
With that, the beam of light that had decimated this arena came crashing down upon the kneeling form of Hulk Hogan. When the flash dissipated, Kefkas smile faded. Hogan was still kneeling, no sign of injury marring his body. Hulk shook his head at Kefka, bleach blond hair quivering as he moved to his feet and began to march around the destroyed ring, arms with their massive biceps trembling as he did so. Kefka glared at the figure. Hogan then turned and pointed a finger straight at the glaring form of Kefka. Kefka felt something odd happening and looked at the statue to his left. As Hogan shook his finger, it exploded in a blaze of energy that quickly vanished. Hogan shook his finger a second and third time at Kefka and the second and third Goddess Statues ruptured in a blaze of power.
Kefka now stood there, shock and horror upon his face as not only his barrier but the source of his power faded. Hogan then began to march around the destroyed ring, Kefka paralyzed with fear as he did so. All around him, the corpses of the crowd began to stir and then stand. J.R. and King both got up, Jim Ross putting his hat back on.
King: No one kills Jerry The King Lawler and gets away with it! Squash him, Hogan!
Hogan was doing just that. As the roars of HOGAN! were sounding out, Hogan was marching over to Kefka. Kefka went to whirl to try and run for safety but Hogan had him by the shoulder. Spinning Kefka around, he gripped him by the front of his outfit and gave him a solid punch to the face. The now powerless clown was laid out flat on his back as Hogan held his hand to his ear, signaling for what everyone wanted. Listening to the shouts of the resurrected crowd, imbued with the might that trumps any and all things, Hulk backed away from the prone form of Kefka.
Jim Ross: Whatcha gonna do, Kefka!! WHATCHA GONNA DO?!?!
Hogan, giving one last showboat hand-to-the-ear took a running start and then leapt into the air over Kefka. His body soared high into the air, hanging there for what seemed an eternity before the might of justice, the might of Hulkamania, the Leg of Hulk hogan came crashing down right on Kefkas head.
Hogan, rolling over, covered the still body and hooked a leg. Both shoulders were down as the crowd shouted
1...2...3!!!
The crowds scream for victory, for the victory of good over evil was a wave of sound that threatened to bust every persons eardrums.
Jim Ross: He did it! By God he did it! That clown could obliterate cities and indeed everyone in this arena but in the end, he could not kill Hulkamania!!
At the outskirts of the destroyed arena, Terra, Locke and the crew stood blankly.
Locke: Well...I wouldve liked if we had that guy in this party. It would have made things easier.
They shrugged and turned to walk off.
Hogan, after celebrating with the crowd, scooped up a mic from nowhere. After motioning for silence, he held the microphone to his mouth.
Hogan: Train, say your prayers, eat your vitamins and most importantly to all the little Hulkamaniacs out there, believe in yourself and YOU can beat psychotic God clowns too!
Then, a scream was heard. Hogan looked behind him and saw a massive beast lumbering towards him. It had two gigantic fins and its head was tilted downwards to survey the people as it walked. Hogan locked eyes with the creature and spoke into the mic.
Hogan:Brother, I bodyslammed Andre the Giant. And after I bodyslam YOU! *points at Sin* Youll be thinking one thing!
WHATCA GONNA DO BROTHER WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU?
Linear Mode
