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I've put this in Draco2003's story post, but I might as well put it with the plans as well:
In a galaxy far far away, there span a disk. Once round, constant belief had turned it flat.
They say belief is the strongest weapon man has. Without belief, nothing would exist. Belief grows into things, it creates things...it also squahses things. Take this world. The combined worlds of Zela. Once just the one round world. People had then started believing that the world was flat. How else would it spin in a curved orbit? Only plates or frisbees thrown at the correct angle fly in circles. Then the Slightly Silly Quintuple Poster had come along. He had persuaded people that the Disk was made up of 5 worlds. From then on, Zela had been 5 combined worlds. Not long after, the Slightly Silly Quintuple Poster was defeated. His forces dissipated, his influences disappeared, and a new person took his place - The Crazy Octuple Poster. He had unleashed his reign of terror upon the lands of Zela as soon as he recieved the power. Soon the 5 worlds became 8. 8 being the number of times he posted. No-one was allowed to count past 8. 8 being the number up to which people could count. No more, no less. 8. After a while, this crazy person took prisoner a scientist in octuple genetics. Aurvian. He forced this scientist to create the 8 Post-its. These became the crazy guys right-hand men. These 8 Post-its were also crazy. Some of the Octuple Posters, lunacy, had rubbed off on them. After time, these Post-its evolved into the perfect candidates for being crazy. They became...Scottish. They started to speak in Scottish, dress like the Scottish, even live like the Scottish. They also developed an unexplicable of the Welsh...and an unrivalled fear of staplers. Once the transformation was complete, The Crazy Octuple Poster started to send the Post-its on missions. They went around the worlds, causing havoc, and mentally scarring those who finally had the answer to the question: What is up a Scotsmans Kilt??? Then Aurvian escaped. He alone knew the secret of life. Or at least...he had. Lenny, The Crazy Octuple Poster had tortured it out of him. Now he no longer knew it, and he wanted to re-learn it. He had escaped. Lenny had sent the Post-its out on a mission to find him. They hadn't, and now they were returning to report to Lenny.
"The Eat Post-its signing in ser."
"So," Lenny strolled over to them, rubbing his hands together in imitation of a crazy guy, "Did you get him?"
"Well, ye ken boss...we..."
"Spit it out man!"
"Well boss. We couldnae find im. We loooked everywaer."
"You mean to tell me, you looked around the whole of Zela, yet you coudn't find him?"
"Ye dunnit noo, ye big wally!" whispered Bill Post-it to his twin brother, Bored.
"Oh waily waily. We all in foo et noo!"
"Och noo..." The other Post-its groaned.
"This makes me mad."
"Och no boss. Ye dunnae unnerstand oos. We promise, we did loook. Everywaer!"
"The 8 Post-its looked everywhere, yet ould not find 1 man. The legendary 8 Post-its. 8 Scottish Madmen, could not find 1 man." Lenny's back was to the Post-its now. Suddenly he spun around: "Notyce, Bill, Bored, Pinn, Droorwing, Fliyer, Styki and, Fred. Attention!" The 8 instantly stood to attention. Lenny started pacing in front of them. "You have disappointed me dearly. I have put my trust in you for years, yet now you fail me. There is only one punishment for this." Lenny strolled away from the Post-its, and over to his desk. He pressed a button. A speaking tube fell down from the ceiling hit him on the head. He took the end with one hand, rubbing his head with the other, and spoke into it. "Minion No. 160943690976435800875563899865556343459-907896567325442545856967908089607764. Bring in...the PUNISHMENTS."
The Post-its started to shake.
"No. Please ser. No!"
A door in the wall opened, allowing entry to the occupants of the room on the other side.
"Och no! Not the staplers! Please ser! NO!"
"Forgit the staplers," another Post-it shrieked, "Loook behind them. Et's the Welsh!"
"Oh Waily!" the Welsh and the staplers moved aside, to show a third party. "WELSH STAPLERS! ROON!!!"
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A hundred miles away, Bluecube rolled over in his sleep.
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Back to the flying disks of Zela orbiting its Red Dwarf of a Sun, flying with the agility of a Platypus on Speed.
On the isolated desert world of Zela-5, 9 survivors clambered out of a spacecraft. Instantly, one dropped dead. Well, the laws of Octuple Worlds apply even to the farthest reaches of said worlds. For hours these 8 trudged the desert dunes, scaling horizons to be presented with another in the distance. After a while, the Sun began to set.
"Thank whichever Gods watch over this accursed place," one of the travellers commented, "This God-damned Sun has been burning my skin too long. The night shall cool us off enough to journey for the next day." The Sun set, envoloping Zela in cool darkness. Five minutes later the 8 moons of Zela rose, bathing said world in heat more intense than that of the all but burned out shell of a Sun. "Oh shi..." the traveller began cursing, ending abruptly when he fell head first down a sand dune.
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Two worlds way, Bluecube scratched himself, and went back to sleep.
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Half an hour later, Bluecube awoke grudingly, having just rolled his way out of bed.
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"Shootup. Ye ken what'll happen te oos if we're foond don'tcha?"
"Aye. But why are we dooing this?"
"We nid yon Poster-slayer. Ye ken?"
"Aye boot..."
"Shootup. Fred?"
"Och?"
"We are voluntaering ye foo a Sooicaede misshun."
"Right ye be."
"Ye are tae go in there, an bring oot yon Bluecube. If ye don't succeed, then we will mourn ye befoo tryin et agin."
"Right ye be boss fella."
"Noo, go!"
Fred Post-it took a few steps back, squared his shoulders and ran at the door to Bluecube's house. The door opened, Fred ran straight in, cracking his head on a low beam just inside the doorway.
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Lenny put down his seeing-globe and started to rub his chin. He had just seen what Fred had done.
"This pleases Lenny," he laughed, picking up the globe again.
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"What?"
"We," Bored gestured to his 7...relatives, "Want ye," Bored pointed at Bluecube, "to Slaey him." Pinn held his wallet in front of Bluecube. It was one of these wallets with pictures in.
"You mean you want me to slay that poor defenceless woman?" Pinn looked at his wallet then hurriedly pointed to the photo next to the one Bluecube was looking at. "Not the hag ye daft get, the guy next te her. Though, how much te kill the hag as well?"
"Oh right, you want me to kill Lenny? Consider it done. Anyway, to kill the hag, it will cost you..."
"Don't kill the hag. We don't need ye te kill yon hag. We need yon hag. She mae be two tires short o the whoole bike, boot she a bike nonetheless. So kill only yon Crazy guy. Ye ken?"
Fred Post-it groaned.
"SHOOTUP YE. YE FAILED OOS!" Bill shouted, dropping a heavy vase on Fred's head. Unconsciousness fell upon him again.
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The 8 travellers scaled the last sand-dune to come face to face with a notice:
Now leaving Desert World Zela-5. We hope you enjoyed your stay.
"You mean to tell me that we trecked for weeks across blazing sands to come to the edge of a world and thi..." he was cut short. The sand-dune beneath them had given way, casting them into the open void of the galaxy. "Oh double shi..." he started, the vacuum of space instantly snapping up his words.
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A recent report into the underlying improbability of the worlds of Zela, had this to say:
The underlying improbabilty of the worlds of Zela has been recorded by bookies around the known Universe to be at exactly 1'000'000 to 1. With these improbable odds, the improbable improbability of the improbalism of Zela can be unimprobably defined. On the original world of Zela, there were improbably exactly 1'000'000, then along came one Quintuple Poster, being the 1'000'001st person on Zela, he made it possible for belief to cheat the odds, and bankrupt many bookies, and make the world of Zela flat. He then turned to the belief that there were actually 5 worlds, instead of the one. Over many years, the other 1'000'000 people on Zela became to share the same belief. Just 1 person didn't - hence the odd a million to one - one million people against 1 person. He was later excommunicted, and the other 4 worlds cam into existence. Each world contained 1'000'001 people, giving the odds of 5'000'000 to 5, which can be put down to 1'000'000 to one. The Quintuple Poster later died, and, due to the ethics of Zela, the Octuple Poster mysteriously appeard. He forced the belief that there were 8 worlds of Zela, and everyone but those 5 people agreed. The Last 3 worlds were created, again, each with occupants of 1'000'001, and on each, the 1 person over a million disagreed with the choices. Making the odds 8'000'000 to 8, which can be boiled down to 1'000'000 to 1. Sadly, one person was killed by the 8 Post-its, and was has never been replaced by nature. The odds now stand at 8'000'000 to 7, meaning that no other things could be believed into existence, as the only odds that can do that all boiol down to 1'000'000 to 1...
...and so it carries on. The report has been awarded the --> "The Most Time Wasted In Writing" award, "The Most Paper Used For A Single Piece Of Loo Roll" award, and the highly controversial "Best Read" award. The latter award was awarded by the Maddeningly Absurd Denizens (M.A.D) association, and so does not count. Now, back to the story...
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Deep in his secret Laboratory, Lenny was making some changes.
"Tighten this, screw that, open this...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaand finished. My cloning machine is complete. I will now test the machine by cloning myself 7 times. If all goes well then each of my 7 clones will rule a world of Zela, and I the original world of Zela, as I am the original." He stepped into the machine and pressed a button. A strange light spilled out from the machine, followed closely by 8 Lennies. "I have proved them wrong. They said it couldn't be done. They said no world could handle more than one Lenny. I have proved them wrong!"
"So I have."
"Agreed."
"Affirmative.
"Well I never."
"Nice place we've got here."
"Hmm...don't like the upholstery."
"Er...where's the loo?"
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And then, the main story is played out. All the adventures with Aurvian, and Ograx, and Tyrannicide and such on all the different worlds. Then comes a bit more non-playable story.
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"So you mean to tell me, that we traipsed around all the other 7 worlds of Zela, when the one we need to kill is on Zela-1, the world that you, I and the rest of the original Zelaron's live on, including the Crazy Octuple Poster?"
Bluecube stared at the Post-its. They wer all huddled together at one end of the boat, Bluecube was at the other end.
"Well, ye see..." Bored piped up.
"Well I see what?"
"No, that's et. The pause after 'Well, ye see...'. The three dots."
"I've been stuck with a bunch of pillocks for nearly 8 months now, travelling from world to world, whilst all I needed to do was take a short underground river journey to the lair of Lenny." Bluecube turned his back on the Post-its and watched the slimy walls float past.
Something behind the boat went plop.
Bluecube rounded on the Post-its again. "I've come this close to being close," Bluecube's fingers were touching, "I've had to brutally murder the slaves of the Octuple Poster, even his 7 clones..." the thing behind the boat plopped again, "And once all this was done, and only then, did you tell me that the secret underground lair of Lenny was less then 17 miles downriver!"
"Well, we maey have mentioned et once or twice..." Bored faltered under Bluecube's stare.
A third plop was heard, this time next to the boat.
"And now we're being followed!" Bluecube shouted.
A pair of clammy hands grabbed the edge of the boat and hoisted a frog-like creature onto the deck where it squatted, looking around at the boat occupants.
"'Ullo," it said. "It'ssss my birthhhhhhhday."
"Oh f*** off!" Bluecube screamed, swinging an oar at the creature' head. "I've got enough to worry about without getting a birthday present for slimy maggots like you!"
The creature saw the oar coming towards it and gulped. "Gollaaarrrggghhh!!!!!!" The oar connected with the head, knocking the creature into the murky water.
"Loook ahead boys! The sign!"
Ahead of the boat was a sign saying:
Welcome to the Secret Underground Lair of Lenny, The Crazy Octuple Poster. Please keep your hands and feet in your vehicle at all times. Thankyou.
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Next comes a part where you have to navigate through Lenny's lair and get to the great man himself. Then you kick his Post-it creating ass. If you beat him, then you see a scene with Bluecube victorious. If not, you see a scene where Lenny is offering Bluecube a business contract to rule the world with him, Bluecube accepts, and he and Lenny then take over the worlds of Zela and unleash a reign of Octuplets never before thought of by even the most imaginative game-creater.
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The End.
Last edited by Lenny; 2004-09-04 at 06:15 AM.
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The Curse of the Octuple Poster - Community Game???
Linear Mode
