Carlton Banks to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize

Reporting by J-P "Kagom Jack" G

With the advent of Obama's award of the Nobel Peace Prize, many have begun a tumultuous backlash against everything that's happened. Many feel that it is premature and that Obama is unworthy of such an award. Of course, for every dissenter is a person who is most certainly approving of having such an honor bestowed upon our president. But I feel we are forgetting someone. Someone very important. So I took it upon myself to go to the people in charge of awarding the Nobel Prizes.

Assembling a paltry $5000 for a round-trip flight to Norway, hotel fees, cab fees, and a little extra to do some shopping was more than easy. A few advances on my paycheck, selling my car, and doing some favors for the locals and I had what I needed to make my way there.

Landing in the capital, Oslo, I made the proper arrangements with my cab driver, an Arabic looking man named Muhammed Thorgestad, I was off to go to my hotel to rest before going to my meeting with the locals and the committee in charge of awarding the Nobel Peace Prize.

After a little rest, I mingled with the locals and talked to them about local comings and goings. I honestly couldn't understand most of what they said, given that it was in Norwegian and my translator was too busy helping his father with fishing duties to help me. But I made my way through and eventually got in to meet the men appointed by the Storting (that is the Norwegian parilament).

They were very polite and happy to answer my questions. Mostly, I asked them whom they were thinking of awarding the prize to next. They, of course, weren't sure at this point. I grilled them a little bit and asked about why they chose Obama. They simply told me what's already been said in news media outlets over and over again. I just shrugged it off and let them have their explanations go without any further probing. Then I made my suggestion to them.

I suggested that Carlton Banks be selected for the Nobel Peace Prize next. Of course, Chairman Jagland asked me who this man was. I proceeded to explain to them who Carlton Banks was.

To simply paraphrase what I said, I told them that Carlton Banks was a cousin of Will Smith's who was a suave lady's man. He also tried his best to keep Will Smith from turning into a thug and robbing the local 7-11, which we know would have ruined his acting career, and was also the reason that the US media was able to thrive during the 90's and become the honest and fair outlet that it is today. He also is rumored to have invented the vaccine for Hepatitis B. They didn't believe me on that last part, but I assured them that he probably had something to do with it.

At first, Chairman Jagland and Secretary Lundestad didn't believe me and tried to have me removed from the premises. But I argued with them and made my point. Carlton Banks is a wonderful, upstanding member of society and is the reason that a country, such as the United States, can prosper and thrive. We only began to slump down into a recession when his presence was removed from the television's air waves. A little more convincing and soon they agreed that I was correct.

So after all that happened, they are going to be awarding the Nobel Peace Prize to Carlton Banks this upcoming Monday after locating him down in Beverly Hills.

"It is with great honor and respect that we will locate this Carlton Banks and award him such a prestigious award for his endeavors towards bettering mankind's quality of life." Chairman Jagland said to me while pouring himself a glass of Dom Perignon.

I was unable to make contact with Carlton Banks soon after this, a representative of his saying that he was busy and that Alfonso probably would not respond to my calls. Of course, I must have dialed the wrong number, seeing as how he kept referring to Carlton as Alfonso.

Upon returning to the States, Chairman Jagland was unreachable for any further comment.

© J-P's Independant News Team 2009

Wow...
The only thing that has me confused is how you have no many connections. I would've never guessed you're such an important person!

I'm a reporter. Gotta have connections.

Makes sense. I sure do hope things work out. He's been around alot long than Obama, so to me it makes more sense that he deserves this.