Serious venting being done...

Well, im just going to expect everyone to have the slightest bit of respect for me, atleast if you dont then show a little.

Yeah grav, im just going to tell you, that i can not tell to friends that would read my xanga what I could tell to zelaron. You guys have been with me for almost three fucking years of my life. That is almost 1/4th of my life. You dont understand how much I love this website. back to the venting

I have been going out with this girl lauren for a while, hence my short presence on zelaron.

I dont really think she likes me as much as I do but it was really her who 'asked me out'... The point is, i just want to know if she likes me as much as I like her...

Im going to a slipknot/shadows concert on friday and she is going to be with her friend so we arent going to be going to hang out or go to the movies or anything... The thing is... we were talking and some random girls always hit me up on aim and tell me how 'hott' my friend sean is, and I always say something witty like "take a ticket, your number 421", and so I was telling Lauren about this, and she says "yeah i know, everyone likes sean, I even think hes cute", and im just trying to take this and so I said "yeah if I was a girl maybe i'd think the same thing"... Anyways, so then she was talking with sean, and trust me sean does absolutly NO harm.. Me and him have been friends for ever and we are tighter than ever right now, he is the kinda friend that will actually call me when I dont show up at school just to see whats up... but anyways, Ive always given him shit, like i'd mock him and say stuff like "ah im doing your girlfriend", beccuase ive never really been the ladies man i'd want to be, and so he does the same thing to me and my girlfriends..and lauren didnt seem to care.. so the point is... she just seems like we are close friends, not really going out.. i dont expect our relationship to get far at all but dont reply with "your only like 13", because there are pleanty of 13 year olds in my school secksing it up.. i just want to know if she really likes me as much as it seems, i mean she always tells me she misses me and stuff, and all of that bullshit.. but.. i just dont know anymore

i also feel like life is moving too fast.. ill catch myself breaking down sometimes, today i was just so frustrated and angered i had the most energy ive ever felt.. i ran all the way across town, and all the way back.. i just felt like I was being sucked in of something.... I also want to play rugby next year, but fucking ill be in 7th grade, my brother will be graduating next year, hes getitng a house, he is making 1000 dollar paychecks, and his girlfriend is making 900$ paychecks. I am going to miss the fuck out of him. I know this is just the beginning of a teenage life and everything but im beginning to hate it.. i just really wouldnt want to see anybody trying to fuck with me tthis next week or so because im just so fucking angry all of the time...

which leads me to another thing i think I am going to come down with some kind of depression or some kind of anger difficulty, im thinking i am Bi-Polar just becuase of how i react about things, when I repeat myself, i fucking scream it.. im getting irritated because people putting stuff in my seat before I sit down, and my friend i've been friends with for almost 5-6 years did it, and usually i love him to death.. but he only put a small pizza crust in my seat before I sat down and i told himt o his face that if he doesnt go away hes going to bleed all over himself, and i just felt like something im not.. I dont want to be bi-polar becuase my dad was bi-polar and if any of you talk to me on AIM then you know what I mean by i dont want to be bi-polar.. my dad is fucking a monster when hes drunk or anything.. he is one of the main causes .. ive grown up without a father and so has my brother.. i feel like im just going to kill myself... just typing this i feel like shit i think im going to go to sleep now because im tired of typing my bullshit life

i dont even know why im going to press submit new thread, because there is only bad that can come from this.. i just hope you guys have the same respect I have for anyone else here, and think about it before you enter something that could break me down because its probabaly not something i would do to you