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A lil Anecdote
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Posted 2004-10-22, 01:11 PM
It was a stormy thursdy night
nothing much left in eyesight
but rain and car headlights

Then I was surrounded
One hundred of them came mounted

I was alone
they were armed
Lord, is this my finale
went off in my mind like an alarm

I started to buck
and with just that luck
they left nothn left but a dutch

Then I woke up to a daydream
I was still surrounded it seemed
this time friends and not my enemies

Last edited by Aurvian; 2004-11-01 at 07:53 AM.
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Aurvian is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-betweenAurvian is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-between
 
 
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Posted 2004-10-23, 12:02 AM in reply to Aurvian's post "A lil Anecdote"
I like the fact that you change the structure of the piece with each stanza. My only complaint would be some of the wording. The way you used the word "postpone" in particular just seems like you were reaching for a word to rhyme with. There are probably better words to use that will convey your intention a lot better than that one.
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Raziel is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-betweenRaziel is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-between
 
 
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Posted 2004-11-01, 07:53 AM in reply to Aurvian's post "A lil Anecdote"
You were right postpone didnt make sense much so I change the entire line
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Aurvian is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-betweenAurvian is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-between
 
 
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