I try to convince myself
No matter how hard it is.
That what I feel for you isn't there,
Although it is.
Through forced hate and jealousy,
I just can't seem to escape.
I just don't want to come to the realization
That I still may have feelings for you.
So I try, with all of my will,
To try and push you away.
But why won't you just leave?
You continue to haunt my dreams.
You return, and taunt me.
The way you smile, it's flaunting.
I don't want to love you anymore.
I don't want to touch your soft skin.
I want to be let free.
I want my life to return to me.
The seductiveness of your voice
Drives me insane.
So I continue to push.
I continue to lie in the face of others.
I continue to hide the real feelings
That I don't want to have for you.
But they don't want to leave.
They follow me behind every corner I turn.
They are the comforting noose that never suffocates me
During the times when I feel I have no reason to live.
They are the jagged dagger that bring me to my knees
During the times when I am joyful.
These feelings I don't want to have.
But they remain.
They try to make me face the horrid truth
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