Musing of a Voice

I actually really like the pacing of the first piece. That's how I tend to write a lot of my lyrics. I'm not exactly sure what the term for that structure is, where the first three lines all rhyme and every fourth line rhymes. Triplets? I don't know.

The second one is pretty good as well. My only complaint was the one or two entire "stanzas" (I mean every four lines, considering it's not actually broken up into stanzas) that were focused on describing the alcohol that was being consumed. It almost makes the narrative seem more like a drunken frat excursion moreso than a tragic alcoholic binge. By specifying the types of alcohol like that (beer, whiskey, scotch, shots) it makes the narrative seem more like an alcoholic conquest (dude, I did 3 shots of Jager, a beer bong, 2 shots of Jack, it ruled). I'd say thin out those areas a bit more. Just hint at the fact that there is alcohol being consumed. A truly desperate alcoholic probably wouldn't care what she's drinking an hour before she willingly freezes to death.

The third one is probably my least favorite, if only because the pacing feels really weird. I can't put my finger on it, but it just doesn't feel right. You actually have written music for that last piece, haven't you? If so, then that would explain the odd structure. I'd need to hear the complete song in order to grasp it. My only honest criticism is the second-to-last stanza. In the previous three, you indicated the age of the subject, and in the fourth one, it feels as though age should be indicated there as well because it's still a progression of the story. The fifth stanza doesn't require that because it's the conclusion. Although, I could be entirely wrong in this observation as well if there is actual music to accompany it.

Very good stuff. I eagerly anticipate more.