Of all my Friends

This is only my second valiant attempt at writing a book. This one is in first person and centered around my and my friends. I changed thier and my names, of course, and thier actions are used in a purely ficticious matter. It is a rough draft and isn't completely organized to the greatest advantage. Some parts aren't completely detailed but it is perfectly understandable. The version I'm posting now is only the first chapter and a half, but the final will cover most true events about my life.

There are two versions.

(Warning: This version of the story contains strong language and some slight adult situations and is not advise for readers under the age of 16[which is awkward due to the fact that it is written by a 15 year old]. The final version might change for better or worse.)

It's a very good attempt...in fact why would we call it an attempt? An attempt implies that it's failed to some degree.

One thing though, on page 4...3 even, how did the wood get into the leg?? Also the sentence before that reads: "The driveway leads" where it ends abruptly.

For some reason you have chapter 2 leading directly on from 1 ending with: ' “Make sure you head straight here after school. I don’t think I can stay up too late tonight.” I say walking to the kitchen. ' and then chapter 2 again on the next page, but a longer version.

I have to say that for me it gives an insight into life as an American...if you get what I mean.

Btw, I've noticed that you seem to have soemthing about the name Jason...

Btw, I've noticed that you seem to have soemthing about the name Jason...

What are you saying Lenny?

The reason I named the main character in our game Jason is because of this story. I thought, "Hey, why not give the main character a modern, Amerikan name. People will be able to relate to the character better."

And also, a friend of the family named Jason was killed in a car crash few years back.

And thanks for the compliments. It makes me feel better.

PS:

What you can look forward to in the next release is the resolution of the "Eadi Crisis" (which is pronounced eee-dee) and an introduction to some new characters as well as more situations and dialouge from the old ones.

One situation(I'll describe it as me. ) I went to the beach with my family and it was the most fun I've had with them in forever. My two cousins Ashley and Danon and I got along very well and had a blast. I'll try to stick to the real story as much as possible.

Edit: Wood chunk in leg: Jason tripped over a stump remember? Or did I erase that... hmm?

I'll also fix the other part.

I like.
Heres my suggestions:
"I pull out my wallet and retrieve a dollar. I put the money in and get a Dr. Pepper when someone pulls on my sleeve"
I think this could be simplified alot. We all know how vending machines work. Just say he got a Dr. Pepper.
"I saw a long driveway with tire-marks made by the car when entered the area, wherever it was.
The driveway leads
I look down at my leg and realize that I have a chunk of wood stuck into my shin. I reach down and rip it out."
The driveway leads where?

"That is the true nature of the human being, not hate, war, nor the character flaws of our bodies or the loneliness of our minds, but the love inside a persons’ soul. The embrace of a loving person."
That is good writing my friend. If only it were true.

"Life may make me question my faith, my belief in God. But the love that one person can express, relinquishes my doubt and renews my thoughts. And with this deep thought, basking in the joy of my epiphany, I turn to go to bed."
Your english teacher will tell you, you can't start a sentance w/ But, and And. Take out the And, just make it, With this deep thought.

"You took the long way when the cabin was fifteen feet from the car. If you had looked more clearly you would have realized that when Lisia and Kelly went for a walk this evening, they came to check on you and to wake you up. Those footsteps you followed were theirs when they went for a walk.”
You never said anything about this...

"This is my first day of spring break and I am stuck alone at the beach with two girls. Two hot girls to be precise. Two girls that actually want me around. Hmm… This might not be so bad after all. I better stop complaining. But still, I’m sleepy."
This realization needs to come ALOT sooner. Any male would.

I only ready 1/4 of it right now... I'm finish it up later when I'm high.

I really enjoy people telling me they like my stuff, and corrections are welcome. The obvious stuff is first on my list and the small stuff is after I finish the complete chapters.

One thing: I did write about the part where the driveway leads. That is where "Jason" trips and injures himself. "The driveway leads..." Just an error in writing. I took out a selection that sucked and forgot to fix it.

Please, more corrections and comments.

I should have the end of chapter 2 and the start of chapter 3 up friday...

If there is any corrections please, tell me and I will fix it.

Keep it coming Wed.

Which Friday btw?? There's lots of Fridays...next Friday? Last Friday? Firday after Friday??

I look forward to it.

Firday

It was supposed to be the 29th, but I got sidetracked by family.

I'm almost into chapter 3 and my perverted meter went up.

EDIT: Kaneda, I would like to know what you think of the rest of it.

How's it coming along now?

I can see you hovering about...

Get the next bit up! I have nothing interesting at all to read! This left me wanting to read the next bit...please!!

It doesn't matter whether you're halfway through a word, just get up the next bit...you're well over the 29th btw...

You're well over the 29th btw...

Yeah... I know... I started school yesterday...

So here's the end of Chapter 2...

And could a moderator change the name of the thread to "Of all my Friends" ? please?

And if no one will lenny, you find someone who will...

And could a moderator change the name of the thread to "Of all my Friends" ? please?

Done.

School already?!

Sorry to hear that.

----------

I've finally come to parts that are new for me......

“Hey, can I hit that?” I ask point at her Dr. Pepper.

“Kill it.” She says tossing the bottle to me.

...tell a lie, what exactly is Lemon scene? I had never heard of it until I read this.

You've still got to explain how you hurt your leg:

The driveway leads

And Chapter 2 is repeated (you've got half of Chapter 2 before it starting again (Chapter 2 that is)).



I usually hate books written about real life etc...and ones in 1st person (picky little sod...) but this is one that I'd definitely buy if you succeed in getting it published.

One thing I keep on taking for granted is how over here we're legally allowed to drink at 18. Which usually means if you drive, then you can drink as well. Yet you guys (or at least the majority of you. It is 18 in a few states isn't it?) can't drink legally until 21.

Out of interest, at what age can you guys learn to drive as well? Is it 17?


A great read. Keep it up Wed!!

Well, I've already got a guarantee that it be published. Xerox.com will publish books by how many copies you want. If you order like 10 copies(it's cheap) then they will print you 10 books and send them to you.

Driving, you can learn to drive at 15. You get your license after I think a year of practice. They passed a law where any born in 1990 and up can't get a license till your 18.

You can't drink unless you 21 in any state.

I'd swear I fixed the driveway part.

2 chapter 2's?!?!?!? I'll look into it and update today or tomorrow.

A quick explaination of how he hurt his leg is he tripped on the driveway over a log CAUSE IT WAS FREAKIN DARK! The log kinda stuck into his leg.

Thanks Penguin.

Oh and my friends write Lemon Scenes which are like fan-fics or made-up stories from some anime or video game that was rewritten as sexually explicit material.

Non-Con: Noconsensual
Orange Scene: Masturbation scene
and others... I'll get "Lemon" to tell me.

Driving, you can learn to drive at 15. You get your license after I think a year of practice.

Crazy?!

They passed a law where any born in 1990 and up can't get a license till your 18.

Sanity! Thank the Gods!



That seems rather crazy...letting people drive at 15. So you can drive before you can legally have sex and drink.

You can't drink unless you 21 in any state.

You poor things! I've been told I'm most likely gonna end up as an alcoholic...so by the time you guys can drink, I'll be in rehab...

You must've gone to fix the driveway part, become sidetracked and start thinking you'd done it.

And yes, two Chapter 2's. The first starts on page 20 and stops on 21. The second is from 22 to 33.

----------

So Xerox.com publish eh...hmmm...

You'll have to see if you can get a bookshop to sell your book. Then ask others in the area etc. and build it up. Then ask the bookshops in the shopping arcades and so on. Maybe get a chain of shops selling them.

When it finally comes over to England you'll have to write a special introduction (or bit at the end) explaining everything...

Try contacting a Literary Agent as well and seeing if they'll get the book published. Don't go for the one though, ask a few agents. Google "literary agent + {your state/area}" and see what their tersm are.

well, I did fix it. I had BIG problems getting it from one computer to this one.

I had to use and old chapter 1 and the new chapter 2(hence the f'ed up ness.)

The book has now become a short story to be ending soon. It is now part of a collection of short stories and poems written by me and a few friends.

It's now called the "Book of Closed Doors"

It will include(Grammarly intact) stories that no one wants to read or hear about. Uncomfortable things like Rape and parental fighting stuff. It will be and inspiration book by fictional example's of strength.

I'm not sure you would like the morals because of the fact it teaches strength through religion.

Which, by the way, have you read any of the bible? If not start on Psalms. Please! I'm very open with other religions such as Wicca and Atheism, but Scientology is just ridiculous. Aliens?

But enough religion bashing.

I'm not sure you would like the morals because of the fact it teaches strength through religion.

I'll still end up reading it, but I'll probably end up not taking much notice of anything trying to be religious.

And no, I haven't read any of the Bible yet...though I'm still meaning to read Revelations as you told me to do.

Even though it is going to be a short story carry it on as if it were a full-length book. In "Book of Closed Doors" could be an extract or something that is like a short story within the whole of "Of All my Friends". Maybe Eadi's atempted suicide up to the bit (I'm only guessing that this is going to happen) when she and Jason get together (does that end up happening?).

As for Scientology and Aliens...I'm not a great one for Aliens either, but for Science I'm a sucker...

but for Science I'm a sucker...

There is nothing wrong with science. I'm quite the nerd too.

But if you truly notice the beauty of nature and the patterns throughout everything, life CAN'T be just a random unthoughtout thing.

But, if you're thinking I'm just one of those hypocritical Christians, think again. I truly care what happens to my friends and you, Lenny, are my friend.

If you truly don't believe thier is a God and that we will all rot in the ground forever, believing in God couldn't hurt. Because if I'm wrong and you're right and we do spend eternity not existing anymore what have you got to lose?

But, if you're thinking I'm just one of those hypocritical Christians, think again.

The thought didn't even begin to cross my mind. There's no reason nor evidence to show that you are.

I don't see how a supernatural being such as God could exist, there's no scientific explanation for it, and so I don't believe. There are also scientific explanations for things that happen in the Bible, which I prefer to believe. Everyone has a right to their own opinions.

But if you truly notice the beauty of nature and the patterns throughout everything, life CAN'T be just a random un-thought-out thing.

I recognise this argument! Years of doing RS finally pays off...this is the...oh I can't remember! There are the 4 main arguments for God's existence and this is one of them. It's all in my RS book somewhere, a book which I've lost, as well as research I did against the argument.

What are they...there's the Cosmological, Teleological, Design argument and the _________ argument.

I truly care what happens to my friends and you, Lenny, are my friend.

We're both quite similar here, yet the differences are quite major. I guess that you care for them as a Christian as well as a friend?


Anywho...

There is nothing wrong with science. I'm quite the nerd too.

Science and Religion seem to go together quite well. Some of the best Scientists have been deeply religious.

Well I don't wish to anger you by talking about religion. I've had friends not talk to me since I try to convert them.

But you're not an ass, so...

But truly, you are right. There's no scientific explanation for God, therefore how could one exist. It's faith that truly makes me believe. Can it be coincidence?

Truly, I love all my friends as weird and as random as we are. I didn't learn that from Christianity, I learned that from watching how uncaring and selfish humans are. Why do we cast others aside and shun them? If I'm not the only one who cares about that, please let me know. No one should be treated bad for any reason.

That is where I tie myself into Christianity.

PS: My friend Heather says, "He's God he doesn't need an explanation, He's God!"

Well I don't wish to anger you by talking about religion. I've had friends not talk to me since I try to convert them.

You won't anger me. Everyone has a right to free speech, and if that involves talking about religion then I won't stop you. I'll gladly sit and listen, it just won't make much of an impact.

And they can't be thought of as friends if they won't speak to you. So what if you tried to convert them? I've got friends who try and convert me...but they gave up yonks ago.

PS: My friend Heather says, "He's God he doesn't need an explanation, He's God!"

Clever friend.

I've got a nice friend called Heather...she's really hyper most of the time.