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Zennard.
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Posted 2006-04-02, 05:07 PM
It was a strange day. The air was filled with dirt. Like a orange brownish haze. It was a coldisac. In the middle of the coldisac was a boy. laying down with one knee bent up and the other leg laying flat. His arms were holding him up so that he could look around at the desolate landscape. He was probably a decade old. Wearing baggy blue jeans. With a green short sleeved t-shirt. He had distinguishing marks along his arms. Long scratches. Going down from the end of the shoulder to his hand. In his right hand he held a stick. A perfect straight stick. He was looking around at the desolate coldisac. Day light savings time, he didn't get that kind of crap. It was dark. Until this dirt haze came in. He couldn't remember anyway. A strange thing appeared around him. It was a bluish white aura. It was a strange sight. The bluish white aura was fighting the Dirt Haze. And the aura was winning. "Aw.. Fresh Clean air." said the boy, in a gasp. His voice was the kind of an unmatured kid. He was totally bored. His stick started to glow. After a few seconds it turned into a glock. His pocket shimmered to and he reached in. Ammo. He stood up. Looking into the air, pointing the gun up. He shot a few rounds. He wanted the cops here. It was going to be easy. But who cares? He hadn't seen action in a long time. He could see the lights going on in the houses. Windows opening. He expected phone dialings.. 911.


Swarms of polices blockaded the exit of the coldisac. All of them were getting out of there cars. Guns out. It was going to be fun. The kid estimated that there were eleven cop cars there. One of the cops, shown by a the moonlight. Was laughing. " Ahah!! A kid.. A kid with a gun.." he said wiping off the tears on his face with his hand. As soon as he regained control. He never expected it though. A foot was in his face. "Ahah! A kid.. A kid has his foot in your face!" said the kid, in mid air. He twisted his right foot to turn around in mid air. He pushed off the Black man's face. He sent the man spiraling head first into a cop car. Quite the indent. He threw his glock at another man who was starting to shoot, ouch. The stock hit him right in the head. "Now.." He said cracking his knuckles, "If anyone of you want to end up like them, walk foward now..". No one came up. "Well, I suggest you all run." And with that, the cops entered there cars and left. Astonished and scared as hell. The kid was left in the coldisac. "Who.. who are you?" said a whimpered voice. The kid turned around. It was a small girl, in her pajamas, holding a stuffed bear. The kid walked over to her, kneeled down and said, " Well, my name's Zennard, but don't tell anyone my name okay? Now I bet your family is worried." He looked inside the window of the house. The parents were obviously petrified. Thinking of horrible thoughts of what he would do. Zennard turned around, not even paying one last look at the girl. Jumped into the air, and a shroud of dust consumed him. As the dust cleared. Zennard wasn't there...


I made this for pure joy... This is a introduction, if people like it, Ill make more of it.

Last edited by Led; 2006-04-03 at 04:27 PM.
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Led is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-betweenLed is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-between
 
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Posted 2006-04-02, 08:11 PM in reply to Led's post "Zennard."
Nice. Descriptive. I liked the first half of the first paragraph. After that it got a little...I dunno, hard to follow? A few grammical error's. Not bad, though...so don't mind me:

A strange this appeared around him. (?)
His voice was the kind of a unmatured kid. (an)
The kid estimated that there was eleven cop cars there. (were)
One of the cops. Shown by a night light. Was laughing. (Too. Many. Periods. )
"Well, I subjest you all run." (suggest)
"Who.. who are you." (It's a question, therefore fitting of a question mark. Don't you think?)

It's not all of the errors that I saw, there are others. The spoken lines could use some breaks. If you wrote more I'd read it. The character is rather interesting, imho.
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Jessifer read his obituary with confusionJessifer read his obituary with confusionJessifer read his obituary with confusionJessifer read his obituary with confusion
 
 
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Posted 2006-04-03, 04:22 PM in reply to Jessifer's post starting "Nice. Descriptive. I liked the first..."
It was daylight. The birds were chirping. Such a annoying sound. The wind was blowing, Skennard never liked the wind. He thought it blanked out important noises. But he didn't care. He didn't care about his life. He just thought of chaos. His brain was divided into two. One side was filled with no fear, ambition, and his criminal side. His other was like any other normal boy. Caring, it would never want to hurt anyone innocent. These sides were fighting. It was like his criminal side was winning, consuming the good side. Good vrs Evil. Heh, that made him laugh. Then he turned back to reality. He was in a wooden house. It appeared, it had windows, but no furniture, except a few wood boxes and bean bags. He was on one of the bean bags holding a 12 gage shotgun in his hands. The size and the recoil never affected him. A machine stood far from him. It had a wooden rectangular shape. laying on it was a metal arch, on the bottom right side of the arch, it turned left to rise again to make a disk shape. It had the usual orange plates there. It had a off and on button. He didn't know what else could shoot it, so he magically added that. But thats another story. As the last plate was blasted, along with the last shell being shot. Zennard arrose slowly. He looked out the wooden door. He looked down. And jumped out...

Yep, if you were thinking he was in a tree house. Your right. But not any ordinary tree house. Zennard was looking toward his tree house as he fell down, his feet sliding against the wall, quite spectacular. Instead it was a tree mansion. And the oak below it was amazing. It was about 90 feet tall. With giant branches sticking out. It was 40 feet long. Zennard was falling at some a speed he would probably be dead now. Instead he was just folding his arms behind his head. Laying back looking so peaceful. He slowly turned around in mid air. He held a rocket launcher in his hands. He put the end of it directly on his chest. A mad man? Yes, but you realised that a long time ago. He was only seconds away from his doom. He shot down. He was already seven feet away from the ground. The gun pushed him back in mid air. He floated swiftly down to the ground. No witnesses he hoped. He heard something behind him. Swish! Skennard was turned around and in the air, flinging his rocket launcher at the intruder. It appeared to be merely a little rabbit. He stopped the rocket launcher dead in its tracks with his telekenesis.
He finally set down his mission to track down something..
Fixed the first one by the way.

Author's Note: Descriptiveness is easy, except for when I get to the exciting part, thats where I wing it, but it works, kind of, doesn't it?

Last edited by Led; 2006-04-18 at 08:29 PM.
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Led is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-betweenLed is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-between
 
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