I met this guy during a session of World of Warcraft. After impressing me with Chuck Norris jokes and ending his sentences with "FTW," he mentioned his massively multiplayer penis. I was delighted and was pleased to find out that he lived next door to me. While taking out the trash, he popped up behind me and raped me while yelling "BOOM HEADSHOT!!" all the while trying to shoot me in the head with his Deagle. I tried to run away but he just threw pictures of an owl with a caption that read "o rly?" into my face. He branded my ass with "ebaumsworld.com" and I figured that was the last straw. I managed to forcefully free myself from his grasp, and he attempted to faze me by yelling out his system specs. Unaffected, I tried to run away as he tried to blind me with blue LED 120mm fans. Nearby I saw the bicycle he came in and I hopped on and drove away. He quickly ran after me while yelling "Nigga stole my bike!" and yelling Maddox-style obscenities at me (asshat, shitsnake, pissbucket, etc.).

I escaped unharmed.

NEWEGG ROCKS!!