Wow. That's good.

What's the story about? I'm guessing that the girls eyes will be tied into it somewhere, maybe picking her out as some kind of species that's very nearly dead? And the battlefield between angels and demons? Hehehe, you could call it "Angels and Demons".

I don't think you need a thesaurus. Some people who get a thesaurus to help with their writing use it almost incessantly. Every other word comes not from them but the thesaurus. You end up with a story that is almost nonsensical.

Natural reaction. Everyone usually thinks of their own work as pretty bad. I do the same with everything I've written. You know what they say though, authors are perfectionists. Take any book out there and ask the author what they think of it and they will all say that there are parts they really don't like, parts they think they could improve.

So all in all, it's very good. Can't wait for the rest of it.