You can't get 'em to save either, huh? Oh boy. That said:

6) OMG WHAT HAPPENED TO MY DOCUMENT I OPENED ANOTHER FILE AND THE FIRST ONE IS GONE OMG OMG. The solution is to click the button on the bottom of the screen, with the same file name as the one you "lost'. Which click, you ask? Left, as it always is. No, your new document isn't gone, it's in the same place as the first document.

7) "Go to Start-All-Programs-Accessories-Notepad". HELP I CAN'T FIND IT!!! I, of course, click on Start, go to All Programs, then Accessories, then Notepad. I get the standard "Oh." and life goes on.

8) No, the computer isn't broken. It's off. Hit the power button. The one that has the universal symbol for POWER on it, and the word POWER on it. It's one of two buttons on the entire case. Here, I'll do it then.