Hidden Rake of the Anarchists
87 - 120 Damage
Item becomes lost in inventory
2% to have government hunt you down

Dead General Tso Chicken of the Ghetto
0 - 4 Damage
ITEM CANNOT BE USED
Yo.. you be smackin dem bitches up like it ain't no thang!

Powdered Asian of Premature Ejaculation
54 - 60 Damage
Causes player to sneeze
-30% to skin irritation
Charsi is now mad at you

Orgasmic Claws of Tittilation
75 - 80 Damage
Hit causes monsters to get off
+3 to fridge raid
Hero now uses "tittilation" in every sentence