Finding this thing called "love" is actually harder than I expected...
 

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

Good read. That sort of shit is rough. I know it's very hard to find the 'one', but when you do you can't pass her up. I'm glad you noticed this early enough in your life rather than down the line. I thought my ex was perfect too, but then she turned out to have a double life of basically screwing me over.

Breaking up through a text message shows how shallow she is.

It was indeed an interesting read with good lessons, thanks for sharing. I hope it feels better now :)

Yeah, my friend, likely because there is no such a thing in reality - a perfect match, the only other half of you, etc. In fact, it's a main cause for so many divorces. You hear about the concept of "the one", you like it because it sounds very good, but then reality comes and your partner which has just been your "one", is now not as perfect as you wanted her/him to be, and you decide to put an end to it and find "the real one", over and over again.

No one is perfect, and I believe that by preparing ourselves to that, we can save ourselves many problems with our relationships.

:kiss:

I second that, very much.

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

Love is a painful thing. It's hard to find and it may take you several years to find it.

loving someone is work, you have to find a balance between what the both of you want/need/like. its crazy, and both ppl have to want it to work for it to.

That's also another thing. But also sometimes people can't get it to work out because they don't quite know how to get it to work for whatever reason. Sometimes age can play a big role in that.

You can't expect it to be easy, anyways. Pretty much nothing in life is free. You have to give something to get something back. That's how things should be, imo.

Should be, but not always is.

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

I get tired of listening to songs like that. It makes me feel depressed.

The one should not be someone who is perfect or has traits you like. The one is that someone who forgives the fact that you aren't perfect and don't have the traits they like. I didn't realize that this girl that used to hang out with me and my friends was interested in me. I spent so much time looking for that perfect somebody that I didn't realize the person I was looking for was right under my nose. When I did realize it it was far too late. Ever since that day I have made sure to be more alert and aware of how people act towards me. You should do the same Shinto. Make sure you don't miss her because you look too hard.

It's great to see that you've learned that lesson successfully, my friend!

And yes. I agree with every word. Thanks for sharing :)

I agree with this wholeheartedly.

I sadly don't have any pointers or anything for you, but I suppose I can share my own story as "misery loves company," does it not?

I hear you about the things not lasting forever, about 6 months ago Abby and I split (to be more fair, I got dumped) as well, after 7 years, so I'm still getting used to the whole being single thing since I never really was 'on the prowl,' in a manner of speaking as we were dating since I was 17 and living together since I was 18.

You realize a lot of things after the fact, and I'm kinda shocked it lasted as long as it did. Looking back, I realize I had gradually become a selfish jackass, but then I also see that I had also done the same to her. I'm not too proud of the person I have been the past few years, but there isn't much I can do about the past now, I can only prepare for the future.

We really had little in common and didn't really even share many of the same interests, but we never really fought or anything. After thought, I think I loved the fact that she loved me so much more than I loved her for being herself, and I was too stupid to realize it. I regret doing her that disservice and wish I could give her all those years back or wish she got tired of me sooner just so she could move on.

My only other real regret is that I now hate her for how she handled things at the end and also immediately after. I suppose I try to live a little bit too much by the good old 'Do Unto Others...' rule, and feel betrayed that she had a new boyfriend a month and a half after ending our 7 year relationship (especially after telling me that there wasn't another guy). I believed her at the time, but 2 months after that (when she terminated our lease before I could support myself seperate from her), I learn that her Long Distance boyfriend (who was a childhood friend) had moved across the country to where she was moving to (and I now assume that they are living together).

I can't shake the feeling that I had been betrayed before our relationship was over and lied to about it. I suppose I should ask how some of you others would feel in that situation. It probably isn't a big deal to some other people, but I've never had much experience with relationships. Add that to the fact that the three things I hate most in the world are liars, traitors, and thieves, and it's no real wonder I feel the way I do.


Anyway, that'll be my emo tale of woe. I apologize if it drifts around a bit, but not normally being an emotional guy, I have difficulty organizing them at times.

So you're saying that you broke up with her because she was cheating on you, although she never admitted to it? What were some of the indications you got that led you to believe this, any incriminating evidence?

I hear what you're saying when you said that you were blinded because you loved the fact that she loved you so much. I felt like that was my situation at first with my fiancee (yes, I'm engaged) - I love her, but her love felt so much more intense at times, however, I honestly feel as though that isn't really the case. Females (for the most part), just express themselves differently and more emotional. That doesn't necessarily mean they love you so much more intimately.

What was it like over the past few years that's making you feel as though you were a selfish prick (at least that's what I gathered you felt like from your post)?

No Titus, she broke up with me. I feel cheated on and lied to because of how fast things went with her after the breakup. 4 months after a 7 YEAR relationship she has a guy moving from Virginia to Oregon to live with her after 2 months of 'Long Distance Relationship'. I don't care who you are, that's enough to get one thinking. No Titus, the thought of being cheated upon was never in my thoughts during the years because she was so into me, until I saw how fast things went after I got dumped. It could be explained somewhat by her realizing she was now alone in a big world, and wanted to fill that void quickly, but loyalty has always been the biggest thing to me in friendships and above. After the breakup I had thought a lot about things and realized what I had been like, but even after showing her that I had changed, it was too late apparently. How can anyone not feel betrayed?

What it was like during the past year or two was my somewhat being in a downward spiral of playing too many video games combined with my constant problem of not knowing what I want to do with my life. I suppose as I grew unhappier with myself, I started ignoring the needs of others whilst thinking only about my own.

Most of it was all my fault, there's no disputing that, however I do feel that she would be happier with someone else. I'm more emotionally distant and independant where she's dependant and basically expected my every moment to be with her. She basically expects a fairy-tale and I could never give that to her.

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

I sympathize with you my man. So how are things going recently? Are you getting back out there and dating? Online dating sites are pretty kickass from what my friends tell me to get your mind off things.

Recently, I've been finding a new place to live with the 'rents since they need a bit of help.

I'm not rushing dating or anything, it's going to be one of those things that happens when it happens. I'll point out that I've never been 'out there', I was with this woman since my Senior year in High School.

Also, if you remember Doofus' post about his Soul Mate on eHarmony, I tried that a long time ago for a laugh and got the "we can't match you blah blah" message. ;)