Ever think before u speak
 

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
words back or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the testimonials of
a few people who did...


*I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word.

He knew better.



*I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I
was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good- looking
gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing
with men's balls."


*My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the
boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No,
I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh
hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.



*Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that
Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he
needed to go, and he said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child
has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I
said, "Dan! my, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he
replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the
smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did
you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST
FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos
laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple
made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


*This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any? A true story. We had a female news anchor who, the day after it
was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and
asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not
only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too!

While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy passing out
peanuts and cokes to everyone. There were about sixteen flights lined
up waiting to get clearance to take off. Then the other Stewardess got
a message from the Pilot that the tower said the wind had changed 180
degrees and they were first in line to take off, and to have everyone
buckle up. Without thinking she just announced "Please buckle up, grab
your drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off", No one saw her for
the rest of the flight to Houston, and all the other Stewardesses were
laughing all the way and half of the passengers.

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"


thats classic

(From 2001)

*lots of people called me GravitronSurge*
[20:08] <GravitonSurge|Snoozin> There's no R in Graviton

Hah, and I actually remember that comment..

Funny stuff Gruesome, and I laughed my ass off at the exact quote SYG posted above! Classic!

Hahahaha!

im glad u guys liked it

yea it was good but not great...you need to be a little more romantic. try gently nibbling my ear next time ^_^

Nuff said.

That picture alone is enough to haunt one for decades.

yea im kinda scared

I still say it's a plastic knob on a penis.

don't dunk it before you funk it

ok mantra...

I think faster than I talk. I'll start talking and skip words without realizing it sometimes. But...there were times...

One time in choir class, we were all working hitting the same pitch. We did, and I felt my binder vibrate. When we sat down again, I went to say "My binder was vibrating!" to the girl next to me, but it came out "My vibrator was binding!". She gave me a funny look, as did the guy sitting in front of me. I quietly corrected myself, but I'm pretty sure my face went bright red.

Another time my sister was pissing me off while I was trying to play a game. She wanted to have chocolate milk, but kept on complaining that the milk smelled bad, even though that was the day OF the sell-by date. Finally fed up with it, I yelled at her "Of course it smells bad! It came out of a horses uterus!" I tried correcting myself, but it came out as "Wait...Cow's uterus! No! Cow's udder! The udder, damnit!".

hahaha- i love moments like those. Anything sexual where u didnt mean it makes it all that much funnier.

I was at a hardware store helping my dad fix our garage and was looking for a wire stripper. I was so into looking for it when the owner came over and Asked if i need anything. I proceed to say, "Why yes i need a stripper sent to my house." I then realized what i said and then tried to correct myself, but the guy was already laughing.

I don't know if he was thinking, but just tonite at work my shift supervisor goes "I vibrated" and reaches into the middle pocket of his apron and then takes out his phone. A couple in drive-thru just started laughing as they heard that. Maybe that was just a sexual inuendo.

Ah, sexual innuendoes are rather amusing. I've been laughing for a bit whilst reading these, not as loudly nor as heartfully as other laughters. I've seen quite a few of these kind of things and so, I've grown semi-immune to it, much unfortunately. But it still makes me laugh inwardly.

I type as I think along, thankfully for me, it's easier to just type things then it is to decide how to voice it and work your lungs and vocal cords to perform the proper sounds/words needed to describe your thoughts, plus it's easier to correct yourself if need be. So as eloquent as I may be online, offline I need a bit more time to think before I speak, else I do dumb mistakes...

So... eight inches hmm? Wonder if that forecast's a bit off, might be smaller then it actually is.