A Little Somethin Somethin
 

Something I wrote lastnite at around 12:00 when I couldn't fall asleep.

It just came to me outa the blue. Needs some ajustments.

I dont actually mean the part about gettin rid of drugs. It just fits everything together.

I have plans to rid the world of drugs, but i'm only one guy//
You spend all your money, your time and life getting high//
Messin round with yo brain, making you believe you can fly//
You must realize, this lifestyle is gonna make you die//
before your time, I wont care, I will watch eveyone else cry//
then turn around and laugh, making everyone else sigh//
Im not done, dont make me give you a black eye//
this shit your tellin people that your clean, is clearly a lie//
this battle your playin with people and drugs isn't a tie//
your losing bitch, its time to stand down and say bye//

That is currently all I can think off. I am still working on it. Improvements will come in the future.

I would recommend removing all of the quote-unquote "street talk" that you've used a few times throughout the piece. Words like "yo" and your decision to omit the last letter from words like "playing" and "messing" devalue the overall feel of the piece.

This is obviously intended to be sort of a rap piece, and as such, I think the above suggestion fits fairly well. If you've ever listened to Jurassic 5 or Atmosphere, the rappers in those groups use nearly perfect english, and the message of their music still comes across in a genuine manner. Just because you're writing rap material doesn't mean you have to chuck good grammar out the window. Proper use of the english language will only serve to make you appear both more intelligent and more credible as a songwriter. It's a win-win decision.

Thanx for the advice.

I just did that cause the line was getting to long, and it was the easiest way to shorten it. When you rap it out, sometimes when u say something lick "messing", it only sounds like "messin". I will try to shorten them down a different way

I hate it :(.

note this in my post "I dont actually mean the part about gettin rid of drugs. It just fits everything together."

That should make it all better.

Upin for posts/comments that are constructive.