What if
 

Jessica Lynch was really a spy for Jack Chick who does some secret work for the Russian Gov't and they in turn give directions to Intelligent Life so they can totally obliterate the earth and these guys who captured Jessica were really trying to prevent armageddon from occurring by aliens?

What about Mulder?

Fuck Mulder. This is why I'm running from the Russian Gov't. And Jack Chick, he's not Christian and his false claims Catholics made the KKK is false. He even said he knew prots made it and he was a proud professing member of the KKK. So I kicked him and ran. THe damn KKK is now apart of the Russian plot.

Where are the Koreans in all of this?

no where, because they have no real involvement other than just a decoy to distract us and than they will attack.

Where's me and some hot ladies in all of this?

In Russia Stupid.

That's what we're meant to think, Kagom. They're actually plotting our death.

Yes they might be btw.. Muldder is an idiot ..