Zelaron Gaming Forum - Thought this was funny

>1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an
>ambulance.
>
>
>2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a
>skating rink.
>
>3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the
>back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy
>cigarettes at the front.
>
>4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries,
>and a diet coke.
>
>5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the
>pens to the counters.
>
>6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
>driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
>
>7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and
>then
>have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to
>talk
>to in the first place.
>
>8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
>packages of eight. (THIS ONE ALWAYS BUGGED ME!)
>
>9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
>process
>so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking
>creatures'.
>
>10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
>lettering.
>
>~~~~EVER WONDER ~~~~
>
>Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
>
>Why women can't put on mascara with their
>mouth closed?
>
>Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
>
>Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
>
>Why is it that doctors call what they do
>"practice"?
>
>Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
>
>Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is
>made with real lemons?
>
>Why is the man who invests all your money
>called a broker?
>
>Why is the time of day with the slowest
>traffic called rush hour?
>
>Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
>
>When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
>
>Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
>
>Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
>
>You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't
>they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
>
>Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
>
>Why are they called apartments when they
>are all stuck together?
>
>If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
>
>If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
>
>~~~~~
>
>In case you needed further proof that the
>human race is doomed through stupidity,
>here are some actual label instructions
>on consumer goods. ~~~~
>
>On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while
>sleeping. ( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
>
>On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
>inside. (the shoplifter special?)
>
>On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would
>be how??...)
>
>On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's
>"just" a suggestion.)
>
>On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on
>bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
>
>On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
>(...and you thought????...)
>
>On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
>wouldn't
>this save me more time?)
>
>On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery
>after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
>construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
>head-colds
>off those forklifts.)
>
>On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and... I'm taking
>this
>because???....)
>
>On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as
>opposed to...what?)
>
>On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,
>somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
>
>On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
>
>On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
>"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
>
>On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you
>to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
>
>On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
>genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
>
>Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the
>stupidity
>and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a
>chuckle)...in other words send it to everyone. We all need to smile every
>once in a while.