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Child's View. The Iceskats.
today The same day
That mother bot The Iceskats. brother The mittil aged sister and me had a contest. mother Tok her Ifon and watch us. I am glad she watch us. after she drov home. wen she got bak she seyd dad got arRestid. 1 man caym and shok her hand. she seyd dad can get help now. after Ten the men left and she was alon so she got redy To go To slep. wen she put us in bed she seyd swet drems but she did not say if dad wil be gon over nite. mayb mom and dad got in a big fite becos she didnt lik him to wash all The dirt of ar bodys or becos she didnt lik wen he calz me princes. |
...Wow...
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Damn children need to learn their E's.
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As you probably know, and I don't mean to sound like a complete jackass, but I think it's kinda stupid. I understand what you're trying to do, but it's a silly form of art if that's what it's mean to be. If you posted it here for feedback, though, I'd say at the end change "bodz" and "bcuz" which sounds less like a kid, and more like internet slang from an AOL chatroom ;) |
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Honestly, I think it would have been perfectly fine if you had written it with somewhat proper english from the perspective of a child. The overly broken english kinda takes away from the emotion.
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To me it was more of a challenge to read it all correctly, than it was an emotional thing. Also, that kid seems kinda slow. My little cousin is way more insightful, and I'm pretty sure I'd understand the situation better than that kid. Then again, my childhood sucked major ass, so I grew up a bit different...
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You have to understand, she's only five years old.
Plus, her mother is obviously a domineering woman who has the whole family under the fear of her own anger. |
Wait, the child was a girl?? :o
...Guess I gotta ready it again. |
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I'm sure you do. |
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