The Bad Advice Game, Volume 2
 

Was digging through some old threads and saw this from several years ago, decided to bring it back:

The rules are easy. You present a problem, real or not, and the next poster gives bad advice on that problem. That poster presents a problem as well, and it goes on and on.

Problem: I am running out of space on my hard drive

Start putting your excess files on a RAM drive.

Problem: My computer fans are uncomfortably loud.

Put toothpicks in them to stop the blades from turning.


Problem: I need to give my car an oil change

Just replace the oil with water, it will save you money and be much cleaner.

Problem: My pizza is too hot.

Just sit on the pizza for a few moments to cool it. Make sure you don't wear pants or underwear.

Problem: I've begun to doubt my existence as well as the existence of those around me. What do?

Only things that are real can be shot. If your bullets pass through them without damage, they are imaginary.


Problem: My neighbor mows his lawn way too early in the morning

Kill your neighbor, bang his wife.

Problem: I have to bake baklava, but don't want to.

Print out a picture of the baklava and eat it. Saves you time, and you add variety to your diet.

Problem: I keep procrastinating at work.

Quit.


Problem: I stayed up all night and now my sleep schedule is fucked

Just start using speed from now on. Then you won't have to worry about a sleep schedule!

Probrem: I tink I have Asianitis and I rearry don'no wut I can do to cule it.

Go bang a rabid dog with AIDS, then you won't be worrying about Asianitis.

Problem: I have erectile dysfunction.

Give yourself a sex change using tin snips and a twist drill bit.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...de_coating.jpg

Problem: My fridge is full

Feed all the starving children in Kony.

Problem: My lighter just ran out of fluid.

Soak your cigarettes in gasoline and then use a magnifying glass to ignite the tip.


Problem: I'm hungry but the delivery places around me are closed.

Break into them and deliver the food to yourself.

Problem: I'm pretty nervous about singing "Springtime for Hitler" because my voice can't hit those high notes.

Put a hose clamp around your sack.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_my2GWDb16V...%27s+clamp.jpg

Problem: I'm at work and I don't want to be.

Quit your job and take up selling drugs and illegal arms. You can make your own hours then.

Problem: My mouth's hurting and I need another root canal.

Rapidly alternate scalding hot and freezing cold beverages to alleviate the pain.


Problem: My Xbox keeps freezing up and I think it might be on it's way to RROD

Bake it in the oven at 425ºF until golden brown and crispy.

Problem: Everyone keeps giving me bad advice.

Follow their advice.


Problem: I don't want to wait for Halo 4 to come out

ISWYDT (although I'm not sure about the "brown and crispy" part).



Chill out for a while in one of Alcor's cryonic Dewar vessels.

Problem: I ate a hotdog without a bun. Now I have an uneven ratio of hotdogs to buns.

Eat a hotdog with two buns.

Problem: Chruser's sig breaks my browser.

Delete System32


Problem: I'm not an atheist.

Continue with your ways. Ignorance is bliss.

Problem: I am an agnostic atheist.

Learn to embrace the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal savior.

Problem: I feel bloated.

Stick your finger in your throat

I'm bored (I'm on Zelaron after all :haha:)

Go to a Batman showing and shoot folks. That'll de-bore you as there is no way that could ever go wrong.

Problem: I want to date a German.

Grow a tiny mustache and start goose-stepping around town.


Problem: I have a tummy ache

Eat a whole bunch of spicy foods.


Problem: I can't afford a computer that doesn't have an integrated graphics card.

Buy the best one you can afford, then break the integrated chip off your current computer and solder it in place on top of the graphics chip in your new computer. Their powers will combine, Captain Planet style.


Problem: I spilled a soda on my floor and don't have any paper towels to clean it up

Clean it up with bleach and ammonia.

Problem: My phone is shit.

Eat it along with your sister's phones and hope they'll do some Yugioh Fusion.

Problem: I haven't been going to the gym as much lately.

Take speed. You won't worry about the gym then.

Problem: I keep doubting myself when it comes to school and my future.

Drop out of school, go on welfare, and spend every day playing video games and eating Ramen Noodles.

Problem: My milkshake does not bring all the boys to the yard.

Let me show you how to make your milkshake bring boys to the yard. It involves crushed cockroaches.

Problem: My mouth keeps hurting. I'm on antibiotics and Ibuprofen and deciding on a root canal. But what do?

Semen makes a great oral painkiller. Suck more cocks.


Problem: I have to poop, but I'm too lazy to move.

Shit yourself. Nothing wrong with doing that!

Problem: I'm feeling unmotivated to do anything.

Just continue to sit at your computer and surf the internet. That is the most productive thing you could ever do.

Problem: I'm having a hard time passing Differential Equations.