only in america
 

i'm sure you've seen this around before....

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while
healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

11. Only in America.......do people vote more on American Idol then the President.

EVER WONDER????

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why don't sh eep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
~~~~

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how??...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and... I'm taking this because???...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(what?...no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Someone must have been payed alot to write this one)

On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

2/10.

1/10.

EVER WONDER

why dirty_sox3 posts

because she is bored and have nothing better to do.

that's....kind of creepy XD

Wow...just wow...

I liked this thread. I printed it out for office use.

how about this one:

12. Only in America....... can a person be born as a black boy and can die as a white woman.


I think i heard that one somewhere......

Some are pretty funny, I like the fat people getting double chesseburgers and a diet coke.

I challenge you to a kung fuu fight, sox.

At Hardee's we had this 2/3 Pound Monster Burger. It had 3 pieces of cheese, 4 pieces of bacon, and was ordered with a large curly fry and large diet coke.

The real joke is "Only in America can a poor black boy grow up to be a rich white woman." Michael Jackson, of course.

wow.......

that's it! yep, thats what i was thinking when i first typed it, but my sisters said that wasn't the joke. so i typed what i typed up there instead

i like being an american!

The like 1,600 calorie burger I think? Too bad there isn't a Hardee's near me. :(

SOunds good to me too :o.

Double whopper with cheese is 1,250 or something.

I don't even want to know the wendy's triple burger calor count. That thing is half grease.

Ain't it fun when you can go out to a nice family restaurant, and eat half your weight in grease? :)

Honestly, America sucks ass right now. We need to get Bush out.

You need to get Bush out, stop those stupid Evangelicists worming their way into EVERY public sector, and get a good dictator to make all your decisions. Hussein is unemployed, why not go for him?

He's probably on deathrow right about now.

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I just found this one out the other day (and its true)

Only in the Army, can you get on a flight to Iraq with your guns and ammo, and have the flight crew say you cant have any knives on the plane. :rolleyes:

hahahaha, that's messed up.

Rofl, that is pretty good. Should have cocked your m16 and said, "want to take my knife?" :o

Actually I have a 9 mil pistol, not an m16. I got rid of that piece of shit months ago.

What's your rifle?

I just said I dont have one... I have a 9Mil Pistol - Thats a pistol that fires 9 millimeter size bullets. Pretty weak for a weapon, but then again its soo damn light and easy to carry, sometimes I forget its hanging from my holster.

And you're going to the front lines? x_X. I can see how a rifle will be inconvenient but yea ...a whole lot more power there.

My job requires I use a 9 mil. I am not the infantry lol, I just fix the radios they break and set up the computers and networks, and also follow the commander around carrying a radio on my back. I cant imagine carry a radio on my back and trying to talk on it with one hand and aiming a rifle with the other hand. So much easier with a pistol.

Why not a m60 like rambo? He does one per arm. Are you trying to say Rambo is better than you!? :o I'm really appauled.

my buddy has an m60 assigned to him. Lol it was funny watching him today when he had his rucksac on and all his gear and a 9 mil and carrying an m60.... he was sucking bad lol. All I aspire to is a pistol ;) I wish I had two of them tho, then I could do my master chief pose.

John Rambo would have all that plus an injured soldier on his shoulder. Tell him to watch more movies so he can find inspiration.

Rambo is fictionous. A real bad ass is chuck norris.

It's a misconception that Sylvester played Rambo. The real truth is Chuck Norris ALLOWED him to play Rambo.