I can not agree with you more, volls.

I'm only 15, my dad left us when I was little. Life isnt as easy when growing up with only one parent(which could very well happen for your child). Klo, I dont know who you are. I can only judge you based upon what you've said. You have your child's life in your hands. You can ruin your childs life. I dont know how to say it to where your shocked by this. Also, I dont know about you guys but if i was in her situation, and my child developed some kind of disorder based on what I was doing, i would not be able to live with myself. Good luck.

I hear that, although my parents didn't split after I was 18.

Kids pick up all sorts of vibes from their parents, even if it's well hidden. Kids actually have some acute senses if they ever stop and use them.

My dad smoked pot and crack and meth and everything around me when I was little.

I told my mom he was making his own cigarettes and i expained how he did it, i said he put his stuff in it and rolled it up and licked it. Its very fortunate that I am smart enough to make my own healthy decisions. I know whats good for me. I cant say i've never gotten drunk or smoked or anything like that but i can definitly say that I now that I know what its like, its not worth throwing my life away for.

"An enlightened man is one who has found something more interesting than sex."

I forgot who stated that, but it can easily apply to many vices, drugs included in my eyes. :)

Agreed, and by that same logic if Kaneda continually cheats on you then your kid will grow up with some pretty fucking confused morals. My ex was that way. Her mom put up with it and actually after a period of time just accepted that men would do that to her. Her mom's awesome, and it's tragic this happened to her. Anyways ...now my ex believes that no man can be trusted and that she just has to accept it as a matter of fact that they're going to cheat on her.

Not a way to live life.

Almost how my boyfriend now is. He's never been in a serious relationship until he got together with me. He wants to have an open relationship so he can still play around with other people, but I don't want that because I'm a tad old fashioned, but I want the same amount of loyalty and dedication that I show to be returned. He said that he will "try" to be dedicated, but that it's not willingly. The thing is, he doesn't understand what it means to be really committed to someone. He thinks that it's a metaphorical dungeon and that it only can go one way. I'm trying to do my best to show him otherwise, but we'll see how this all goes.

Klo, did you smoke while you were pregnant?

She smoked a single cigarette while she was pregnant, as far as I know. Could have been more, but that's all she's said.

Aah. Kay.

My mom smoked while pregnant. Despite me being alright (I think) I still think it's a bad idea. She smoked cigarettes x_x.

It all makes sense now.

Yea, it must make you into a genius x_x.

Then klo better start chain-smoking, cuz I know the genes ain't gonna do much!

(Oh no he didn't oh yes I did)

My mom thought I wasn't going to live, so she went back to her regular smoking habits while I was in the womb. Yay for optimism.

This is to me exactly like kaneda is, except he's claiming that he doesn't want to "fool around anymore"....an up until las year he didn't.

As far as smoking cigs...I quit as soon as i found out i was pgt, and then when I was like 8 mos. I smoked for a few weeks until I got over what was happening to me. I've always been a little co-dependant on something...and I'm really trying to break that because its AWFUL and I don't want her to be like this.

AND...its not like I'd be throwing some crazy parties or something, I have like 3 friends outside kaneda. And, I'm pretty sure I already said I'm not into the party scene.

Wait, didn't didn't that whole "Kaneda cheating on you with a married woman" thing happen last year? So, what...he stayed faithful for a whole month?

Or am I just reading that poorly written sentence wrong?

uh, sorry if its hard to understand, im at work and when someone walks by i close the window and then try to pick it up again :P. uhm, he slept with the married chick last year, and that was the first/only time i know of him cheating.

Do you not consider him actively pursuing other women as a form of cheating? Because imho, a person doesn't actually have to sleep with another party for that person to be considered unfaithful.

Well, I have been in an open relationship and it wasn't good. I have too many trust and abandonment issues to really feel secure in one. Thus when I'm told by whomever I'm with that they want to be able to fool around, with my permission, I feel sort of taken aback and I start to feel as if they're scheming or that they'll leave me for someone else (which can happen regardless, but the situation worsens that fear). But that's a topic delving a tad off-topic for this discussion.

Yea. Big red flag.

To Klo: He's probably cheated on you many times. I mean, he seems to constantly be trying to get ass. I'd say for every time you've found out about him being with another woman he's been with 3 you didn't find out. Probably even worse.

The funny thing is how blunt he was when you did find out. Taking the girl to your house even. I mean, do you not think they fucked around when he lost you? =p

I know they didn't because when the police pulled him over she wasn't with him. I can't really remember, but I don't think that we were "together" at that time, I wasn't stayin at our apt most the time.

Honestly, there's a few things to be said about this kind of thing. First off, I never really bought into the "open relationship" thing as it's basically an overglorified "fuckbuddy" to me, someone you can fall back on as you experiment or look for someone you like better. It's a comfort zone thing.

The next is about honest relationships. Jokingly pursuing or admiring other women doesn't exactly mean that they're liable to be unfaithful. Some people don't really believe in the overly advertised "Romantic Love", and may desire other people in addition to their partner. What shows you that they love you is their refraining from doing so.

If you really love someone, I really feel it must be very hard to do an open relationship. Well, that's if you find sex to be the most intimate of things.

Which is my sentiments to sex. I don't mind playing with other so long as the other person is around with me, but one-on-one is usually an intimate thing.

Volls: I agree with you. It IS like an overglorified fuckbuddy. I think open relationships are equivalent to being able to cheat, but with permission, so to speak.

This is quite a different topic from smoking and with children around.

Bringing another person in bed with you and your significant other is commiting relationship suicide.

yea, im not really into the whole "open-relationship" thing either. His dad has always been with a lot of women, but I'm pretty sure he understands that if he wants to see other women then we'll work it out to where he'll move out and he'll just help me pay the bills....but you never know how that would really work...

For the most part it is, but imo that depends on how confident and comfortable you are in your relationship. I'm all for being sexually adventurous, but not if the other person in the relationship is uncomfortable with it, or if that person isn't there at all and there's another party involved.

I dont think i could ever involve another girl. I would end up either fighting or crying and fighting. :(. One time a few years ago kaneda and I weren't talking and he didn't know I was working in the movie theater and he brought his g/f there and at the time I had never felt so sick in my life. I couldn't breath it hurt so bad.

"A few years ago" how long have you been involved with this schmuck?

Jealousy is what makes it impossible.

I just don't see how a truly loving relationship between two people can involve a third person without having some serious trouble.

It can't, unless you're having a 3some. If your girl is down for it, then there shouldn't be any problems. Just pay more attention to your woman then the other girl. ;)

So you're telling me if I go tell Nikki I want to have another woman in bed with us and she says yes, if I do it there won't be problems later?

Women rarely say what they mean. If anything she would just do it for me, and it would end up ruining our relationship.

fuck yea it would. NO WAY could i be with someone after watching them fuck someone else. ugh, hell no.

didn't i already say we've been dating off/on for 5 years in september.

Jessifer, ride em hard cowgirl.

Maybe the only situation in which it would be okay is if she approached you about the subject.

Approached me about a guy or about a girl?

About a guy, the answer would be no.

About a girl, the answer would be no.

I would be either weirded out or offended at either suggestion.

Actually, I really doubt that I myself would ever be truely willing to participate in a threesome.

Why? It's a blast.

I'm not doubting that a threesome would be a ton of fun, and I'm not saying they can't happen without problems, just not with someone you love.

If it's just you and a couple fuckbuddies, who cares. Have a blast.

I don't think group experimentation will kill a relationship, but I think enough one-on-one encounters without the other person will, especially when one person has paranoia and trust issues to begin with.